"I prefer this one" Rain is scrolling through my gallery selecting what painting I should post on my instagram account dedicated for my paintings only.
Painting is my passion that's what I do most of the time if I'm not busy with school works and reading too.
Tinanguan ko siya I trust her on this. Rain on the other hand is good on digital art like editing and photography we're total opposites. But we're friends because we're both literature students.
I took a sip on my chocolate, this is a cold morning. Kinapa ko ng daliri ang labi, like the usual it is dry and painful too. I peeled the dried skin off of course it did hurt napatakip ako ng bibig. Dinamdam ang sakit at naalasahan ang makalawang na lasa ng dugo.
Napatingin ako sa labas lang ng fastfood na kinaroroonan namin. May isang lalaking nakatayo doon nakaharap dito pero nasa isang babae ang atensyon nito na nasa kanyang harapan lang, ginugulo niya ang buhok ng babae. He's tall kaya nagmumukhang payat well not that skinny. He looks foreign, duh he's obviously half middle eastern or something. They don't look lovers to me, maybe his sister?
Oh don't get your hopes up. And if that's his sister, still you two won't happen. He's too handsome and charismatic a lot of girls will fall of his feet far prettier than you. Napabuntong hininga ako at itinuon na lang kay Rain ang atensyon na ngayo'y nakatingin na din sa'kin.
Kumunot ang noo niya at tumingin sa labas. Umiling iling nang mapagtanto kung ano ang nakita ko.
"Kaya naman pala, Auburn mahirap yang standards mo day kaya pag may naspotan ka dapat sunggaban mo agad."
Hindi lihim sa kaalaman niya na I have a thing for half breeds, pilipinong may halong foreign blood.
Well I didn't specifically list this on a journal ganon lang talaga ang gusto ko. I really find them soo attractive.
Nang makita ang oras ay lumabas na kami sa fastfood chain. First period starts at 8 we just ate breakfast there. We are dormmates kaya madalas din kaming magkasama.
Wala na sila nang dumaan kami sa kinaroroonan nila kanina. Pero may nakita akong panyo pinulot ko ito at pinagmasdan. Normal na panlalaking panyo pero ang bango. Inilapit ko ito sa ilong, heals my soul.
Itinago ko lang ito sa bag.
We are first year college students in Madison University. The school is so refreshing unlike other schools in this city, it's wide and very pleasant to the eyes.
My car is parked just outside my dorm where is also located inside the university. We went directly to class.
"Hi." bati ni Ivan when we're passing through the corridors. I can read his signals he likes me I don't like him mabait lang ako sa kanya dahil kaibigan siya ng kaibigan ko ring si Adeline.
He didn't confess directly that he actually like me but I get it. Nagtetext kami minsan and he's shy whenever I'm around.
"Hello." It's a first na hindi na siya nahihiya actually. There's nothing to not like about him If I'm just a normal girl ay baka kami na ngayon, he's kind, nice, galante rin, charming and has a clear skin. Sobrang perfect niya na, problem is I can't feel that strong pull of attraction with him. it's not that I don't like him, it's just that.. Uh I don't know how to exactly explain this. I want a love that consumes me, not only to feel safe but danger. I don't think makukuha ko iyon sa kanya. Or with any other guy in this campus sad reality, that's why I now accept and embrace my fate na mamamatay akong mag-isa. Lumapit siya sa'kin. I can't even feel my heart beating so fast, I don't feel tense. I want someone who can make me feel those things, who can make my knees go weak when we're so close. And someone who can make me fall over and over again just by inhaling his scent. I wonder how would that feel. I roll my eyes inside my head. I sound like a desperate hopeless romantic girl finding a unicorn.
"wanna hang out?" I'm not even excited, or even interested at the very least.
"Uh no. We're kind of busy maybe next time?"
I can't just tell him that I'm not interested with him. I don't want to hurt him, mabait kasi siya. He does not deserve it.
After my last period I went to the mall, this is quite far kaya hindi madalas dayuhin ng mga tao. It's peaceful I love it here. Kaya kahit malayo ay dito ko pa rin piniling pumunta. Just killing my time and I'm gonna buy a journal. Pumasok ako
sa grocery para bumili ng ice cream.
Naupo ako sa mga benches sa labas ng grocery. There's a lot of benches here pero iilan lang ang tao. I hate crowded places kaya heaven ito para sa akin. Dagdagan pa ng malungkot na tugtugin na pumailanlang sa mga speakers. This is perfect.
Lonely atmosphere warms my spirit.
It relaxes me like nothing else. It's painful yes, deliciously painful and satisfying. I'm not depressed and definitely not into self harm. This is just me, my personality talking, and I'm comfortable being this way actually.
I'm just scanning pages inside the mall's bookstore, even here human beings are less.
I've watched me before you already but I want to buy the book, this novel is painful and tragic. Feeds my soul.
Sinariwa ko sa isipan ang ilang scenes doon sa movie.
Do you know something, clark?
You're pretty much the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning.
Line ni Sam claflin, they're perfect for each other pero mamamatay siya at maiiwang mag-isa si Clarke. Imagine the tragedy the feelings were mutual, burning and just perfect pero hindi pa din pwede. Tapos papailanlang pa ang not today ng imagine dragons. Napabuntong hininga ako, isinara ko ang libro ang niyakap ito. Gosh. Naluluha ako. Pinahid ko ito dahil hindi naman ako emosyonal na tao, reason why I love pain so much and sadness so much yes they hurt, but at least I can feel them.
Luminga linga ako sa paligid, siya ba yun? Yung crush ko. Sino pa kundi ang half breed. I think I saw his back. Ibinalik ko sa shelf ang libro at lumabas na din ng bookstore.
Okay I'm basically stalking him now.
He's wearing jeans and a printed white shirt. I know his back. I know it's him. Nang makarating siya sa tapat ng department store ay may lumambitin agad sa kanyang babae. Yung sister niya, that right now ay alam ko ng hindi. Nakumpirma kong siya nga yun. He's smiling now and I bet he smells nice. Oh my, Auburn Vittoria Ricaforte stop. May girlfriend na siya.
Asawa nga naaagaw siya pa na hindi pa tali. But I'm not that girl na gagawa ng paraan para mapansin o mapalapit sa crush ko. Well I should stop this now. Baka nga naattract lang ako sa kanya. We could never happen, it hurts me kahit crush ko pa lang siya.
I'm so dramatic.
