Thought Place

【１】

People get scared. They don't know what to say. They don't know how to help. They run away from you. You get it out and the moment it reaches their ears or their eyes as they are reading it, they are already up, running towards the opposite direction. You never hear from them again.
Being told that it was your fault makes you want to bury yourself. Being told that it wasn't, you break more and more. There is no peace in anything. You can't accept any of it, because you don't know what feels worse.
And every time you hear about it happening to someone else? Oh. Apart from the images that start flooding your head-oh how many times has this happened, you lost the counting- it reminds you how fake you are, because these people didn't cause it, like you did. You know that. Because it was you that went into this situation. Because you didn't care what happened to yourself anymore. You didn't. Care.
And the world just isn't the same anymore. You see the world from a very real and so painful side; everyone is after something. Everyone uses people. For different reasons, but using them. Using, using, using. Humans are users, all their life time. Consumers, all their life time. You despise the human kind. And you hate yourself for being one of them. You don't want to be a human anymore. But maybe you don't feel like a human anymore anyway.
And what is there to stay for? What future is there to stay for? Going from one place to the other, never belonging anywhere, wandering for years to end up in the beginning of it all again.
Is that what "the world" is? Is that what "life" is?
Because I don't see a world. I don't see a life.
I see a system. A horrible, terrible, harrowing system that turns us into objects from so many points in our life. And if we refuse to be turned into objects? We are dead.
I don't see a hope in that. I don't see light in that. I don't hear happy laughter. I see pain. I hear screams.
̷I̷ ̷a̷m̷ ̷l̷i̷k̷e̷ ̷t̷h̷e̷m̷.̷
̷I̷ ̷a̷m̷ ̷a̷ ̷m̷o̷n̷s̷t̷e̷r̷.̷