never been loved | LEE TAEYONG

roses and heartbreak

»»————-  kim jihye ————-««

FLASHBACK

One month prior to date, February 14, VALENTINE'S DAY

I let out a frustrated sigh, my back grazing the back of my locker as I sit down against it. Tears fill up my eyes, right to the brim, threatening to spill. Thoughts cloud my mind as my vision becomes blurry, everything seems to become hazy, as only one coherent thought seems to arise out of my mind.  

I'm just really dumb aren't I? I think to myself. Out of all the girls in the school, why would Mark accept my chocolates? Me, the girl who is nothing but an omen of bad luck, where nothing good ever seems to happen and is rather filled with despair, never knowing a day of pure happiness. 

Maybe happiness isn't worth a shot, maybe I should just give up. Nothing ever seems to better and rather gets worse. Should I just stop now while I still can? Before the feeling of pain and utter desperation ruins me.

I get up from in front of my locker and go to take a walk.

Fresh air would be nice, plus, it's not like I have class next period, I have a spare. 

I chuckle to myself, as I wander through the school hallways to make my way to the entrance.

Even if I did have a class, would I really be missing anything crucial? Plus, it's not like the teachers would notice my absence. At least, they haven't before, and I doubt this time would have been any different. 

I bet I look terrible right now. Messed up hair (from me ruffling my hands through it as I tried to restrain my tears), puffy and red eyes (from technically crying), my uniform is a bit dishevelled too.  

I make my way to the school garden, which is never used, as I can see weeds fill the flower beds. I look around and I see one flower that's still alive, a rose. I smile to myself as I look at it. 

How can such beauty thrive within darkness? 

I've always liked the smell of roses, my senses drawing me closer and closer. I eventually kneel down to smell it, my hands wrapping around the stem, forgetting about the sharp thorns growing onto it. 

It smells like home, the home I had before everything happened, I think to myself, wanting to remind myself of the blissful memories as I entered a state of nostalgia, I tightened my grip onto the rose. Where I felt genuine happiness, ignorant to the hatred most had for me. I set myself up for heartbreak, didn't I? 

I come back to reality, as I feel the sharp pain of the thorns piercing into my skin. I yelp and retract my hand, bringing it up to my face as I get a better look at it. One splinter; a thorn deeply engraved into my skin. 

I pout slightly as I remember, the last thing my mom told me before she left, 

'all beauty is either covered with a cloak of darkness, or the beauty is the darkness'. 

I exit the garden, my left hand still holding the wrist of my right hand, making my way to the nurses' office. 

PRESENT DAY

March 14, WHITE DAY. 

It's shocking, seeing how many of my female classmates are gushing over the gifts they've received on the way to homeroom this morning. So far, I haven't seen someone like me, who has not received anything. 

I glance to the clock and realize I still have twenty minutes before class starts. I debate going for a walk, when I see Mark entering the classroom with his friends, I make eye contact with one of them, the only one I wouldn't want to make eye contact with, and ultimately decide to visit the school garden again. 

I get up from my seat, leaving my books, but stuffing my phone into my back pocket. I walk out of the classroom, not sparing any of Mark's friends a glance. 

I try to walk a bit fast so I can get to the school garden quickly, leaving enough time for me to cope with my thoughts before class starts. 

Once I get there, I'll admit I'm a bit out of breath, but that's only because I haven't worked out in like a week, since the sports I play are not in season right now, and I don't really enjoy going for runs but, I have to do it in order to stay fit.

I take a seat in front of the rose again, just like last time, except this time, I don't touch it, and I rather observe it's beauty from afar. 

"Heartbreak sucks, doesn't it?" 

I turn my head to the source of the voice. I subconsciously gulp.

Mark Lee.

Ha I mean you were the cause of it so-  He cuts off my train of thoughts by speaking again,

"Hey, I'm sorry for what happened on Valentine's Day, believe it or not," he says as he comes to sit beside me, "my locker was already full with chocolates from fangirls and I couldn't take anymore."

I nod my head as I continue staring at the rose. We sit for a few moments in silence, until I take a small glance at Mark, seeing him staring at me. He softly smiles and pulls out a box of chocolates from behind him. 

"Take these, and the number written on the tag is mine, call or text me sometime, okay?" he says as he puts the box in my hand and leaves the not-so-garden. 

I look down at the heart-shaped box of chocolates and blush. 

Did that really just happen? 

Did the Mark Lee, just-

The warning bell cuts off my thoughts as I realize I'm going to be late for class.

As I jog to class, I smile.

Maybe good things do happen within darkness.