Complicated

Chapter One: The Past

It was raining so hard on a Sunday afternoon. I was just sitting in my bed, stating blankly outside my window for hours. Today is November 20th. Today is the day. This could've been the day of my wedding and our 6th anniversary. I closed my eyes and I pictured myself walking down the isle, looking astonishing in my silver wedding gown, while the only man I ever loved since I was 13 is waiting for me at the end of the isle, waiting to hold my hand and is eager for us to say our personalized vows. Then, I started crying. It's never going to happen now. I'm never going to be his wife. I stood up, walked towards my window and let the tears roll down my eyes silently.

It has been 2 years since Reyven and I broke up. 2 years since I figured out that he cheated on me and I have yet to move on. Sigh. Why is it so hard for me to forget him? When he was able to replace me with some-fuckin-air headed girl he met on the cruise he was working in just four months. Yes! Four months since he left me because he said he wanted to me to have the best wedding in the world. My dream wedding. But instead of fulfilling my dreams, he gave me nothing but a nightmare! I wish it was just A nightmare. Yes, I wish. I tried to hurt myself countless times just to wake up from my nightmare if was really just a bad dream. But every time I hurt myself physically, I just end up getting even more hurt whenever I realize that this isn't just a dream.

For two years I've decided to shut people out, I don't go out on a date, I also do not attend family gatherings, and doesn't talk to anybody except my Best Friend, Cassandra. The first four months has been the toughest. I don't eat, I don't talk to anybody, anybody at all. Not even my Aunt Emy who raised me since I was a kid. I just stayed in my room crying all day and all night long. I felt so weak and vulnerable, so desperate to win Reyven back. But I couldn't contact him anymore. I wanted to go to Malaysia, but they wouldn't let me. I felt that I just have to talk to him personally, and I was so sure I would win him back, but somebody sent me a photo of him and the girl, so happy together. At that point, I wanted to die. For five years it has been just me and him. What happened to us? Did I ever do something wrong that made him fall for another woman? Was it all my mistake because I let him work on that cruise? I have so many questions in my mind, but I never had any answer.

Reyven and I had the perfect relationship. I could never ask for anything more. I met him when I was 10 years old, and we became couples at 13. But since we're both too young, our relationship then wasn't really serious until I was like 15 years old. I knew right then that he would be the man I would want to be with for the rest of my life. He was so sweet, full of surprises, charming, God Fearing and most of all Good Looking. He was 5"7 and a medium body build. But what I loved the most is the deep set of his dark eyes. Because whenever I look at it, I could see how much he loves me. And nobody ever loved me the way he did, not my biological Mom, not my foster Dad, not my Aunt Emy, No One except him. Mybe that's the reason why I loved him so much. So much so that we became our own world.

My childhood was very traumatic. I had Identity crisis for as long as I can remember. I was adopted by my biological mom's gay cousin named Rey when I was a day old. It wasn't legally, but grew up thinking he was indeed my father 'till I was 5. I already knew that my daddy is gay. But it was okay, he gave me everything I needed and has been the best dad there is. Everything was perfect. Me and my Dad was happy and contended. Until my 5th birthday, that's when I met Aunt Emy and Aunt Maria. At first I was really confused because dad never mentioned that we have any other relatives. Then Aunt Emy said bluntly "You're so beautiful sweetheart! Just like your mom. I'm pretty sure she'd be so happy when she gets to see you." while hugging me tightly. I slightly pushed her away, stepped back with a frown on my face. "But my Mom's already dead. And dead people don't get to see us right? That would be so scary! I don't want her visiting me! No way!" I said innocently. I shivered with the thought of my ghost mom visiting me in my room. Yikes! I'd sleep in dad's room tonight. I hate ghosts! I silently told myself. Then both Aunt Emy and Aunt Maria said to my dad in duet "You still didn't tell her?" They said in a sharp tone. Really confused now, I walked to my dad and held his hand. He's looking down on his shoes, his eyes we're sparkling as if his tears are threatening to go down his face, then he shook his head. As if to answer my Aunt's question. I can feel my dads cold hand trembling. I started to feel angry at these two people, who showed up in the middle of my birthday party, and now they would make my daddy cry. I opened my mouth, about to say something when I heard my dad's trembling voice "My Princess, there's something daddy has to tell you" I turned back to him, but I was surprised when I saw him kneeling in front of me. Tears run down to his face nonstop. Like water falls. He let go of my hand and put both his hands in my tiny face, looking at me in the eye and kissed my forehead. I suddenly felt that whatever he's about to say, It would probably hurt me. So I braced myself and waited for him to speak. For a few minutes he was just kissing my forehead and hugging and when he finally said something, It totally broke my heart. And somehow wished that my dad was just lying.

"I'm not your real Dad baby. I adopted you from your mom when you were just a baby. I'm sorry if I would have to tell you this on your birthday, they wanted you to go home to your real mom every summer Baby, and I couldn't say no. I don't want you to grow up with all the make-up-stories I made you believe. I love you baby, and nothing would change. You would still be my daughter,and you would still stay with me but you would have to stay with your mom during summer starting next year." he paused for a while as if waiting for me to speak. But I couldn't think of anything. I just turned 5 but I'm pretty much aware of what "Adopted" is. Everything is just too much to process. I felt my chest tightening. I was breathing fast. But dad didn't seem to noticed because he continued talking. "Your real mom and I are cousins, and these Aunts are her sisters. I don't know who your real dad is baby, but I want you to put this in mind baby. I'm your daddy. No one else, okay? And I love you to the moon and back. You know that right?" I nod. "You'll go them tomorrow. They booked a flight to Tacloban, that's where we all came from. You would stay there just for three days baby. Just three days." that was the last thing I heard he said because the next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed with gadgets attached to my chest.

After the "Big Revelation" I fainted. I almost had a heart attack. Maybe because I was in deep shock and by the way I have a severe congenital heart problem. One of the reasons why I couldn't play like normal kids does. At the hospital my dad told me to forget everything he said and that I won't be going to Tacloban until next year. And that somehow made me happy. Because I honestly do not want to go to that place and most specially do not want to meet my real mom. Because I hate her! Hate her so much for abandoning me just like that.

The following year I was forced to go to my Biological Mom's place. That's when I figured out that my so called "Real Mom" hated me more than I do. Every summer I was exiled to the God Forsaken place. Tortured by how my mom, Amelia, is treating me. She would not talk to me, not even look at me and yell at me for the simplest mistake I do, and yes she even hurts me physically sometimes. But it doesn't matter to me. Because I am deeply wounded, so deep that through the years I felt numb. Summer used to be the part of the year I always look forward to, but since I was 6 years old, I had always wished that there is no summer. So I wouldn't be stuck up with my heartless mom. The only good thing that happened to me in Tacloban was when I met my best friend Cassandra.

I bit my lips, trying to stop my tears from falling. I don't want to remember my past anymore. I tried to forget my childhood long time ago, and was only completely able to do so when I met Reyven. But he too is gone now, and all the nightmares has been coming back since he broke up with me. I looked outside the window again. It's still raining so hard as if the heavens know exactly how I feel. I looked around my room. This has been my prison for 2 years. If Reyven has moved on, why can't I? I should start to move on, and I couldn't do that If I'm just here at home. Where every corner of this damn house reminds me how Reyven was so deeply in love with me back then. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. This marks a new day for me. A new chapter of my life should begin. And that would happen today! I stared at my reflection in my full length mirror and tried to smile. I don't recognize the girl staring back at me no more. So first thing I need is a make over. "Say goodbye to the miserable you Alexia, because today you would start a new beginning. And this marks the day you would start to forget that fuckin guy! And I promise, no man can ever, ever hurt you again!" I said out loud to myself crazily. But, I mean every single word that I said. I would never fall in love ever again!

So that day I felt like I finally found myself and was finally able to wake up from the nightmare my Ex-Boyfriend has given me. Today is the beginning of history, the day a new Alexia would be born.