Jolene (Band on the Run Fanfic)

Jolene

One night, he would fight against his own cowardice, choosing to wrench aside his pride and kneel at the girl's side, whispering his apologies and a genuine promise to never walk out again. She'd outgrow her own naivete of taking every word at face-value, seeing the pain behind his venomous words instead and making it her goal to teach the both of them how to soothe their sorrows without deteriorating their bond. They'd grow stronger together with every incident while also maintaining the healthiest parts of themselves.

As the shadows would dim in his eyes, so would the memory of me.

The golden-haired girl would come to make a frequent visitor to our practices in the warehouse, and Jake and Will would welcome her with hugs and light banter with him watching in amusement. She'd clap after each song while working on her future movie, and sometimes, he'd swoop in behind her, pressing lips gently against her neck, leaving her giggling and pushing him away focus on reading her scripts. She'd bring the mood up with her genuine enthusiasm, and not even my fumbling on the guitar would bring the others down when she was around.

She'd come to our publicity stages, and after she'd scream herself hoarse through the performance, he'd take the cold water from the stage help and press it lightly against her cheek with a half smile before giving it to her and turning to retrieve his jacket to take them both home.

The Spares would figure out the lawsuit with UAE, win with the public on their side, and then, we'd celebrate. The band would be all over the news once more, but we'd officially be over with the threat of our music going commercial no longer being an issue that we had to be together for. We'd stay the iconic band, known for the passionate, vigorous music that led to a chaotic and abrupt disbandment, but we'd finally be reconciled.

Will and Jake would have no plans of leaving New York, for this was their home and where they made their mark. They'd meet up with him and her every now and then for drinks and the occasional, official celebration. There would come a time when she would have to go do a movie in California, and he, without a second thought, would decide that it'd be a great place to record a solo album, so they'd leave together after a last gathering with the rest of the band and their friends in the city. I'd be there at the party. I'd watch how his shadows, that I thought were permanent, slink away before the sight of the golden girl that brought light into his life.

I, as another one of his shadows, will fade away, too.

With another blink, I'm back to reality.

The moonlight invaded the otherwise dark room, dimly lighting the plethora of half-open boxes and guitars strung around. It lit up the things that I couldn't bear to see at the moment but were all the things that made me who I am and what I possibly could have become.

But if I was honest with myself, nothing would have shaped me into the image I dreamed of as a young, aspiring musician. My dream consisted of nothing but music and love. That simple dream was long faded away because of the reality that it could never be just music and love. Too many other factors will obscure those things from view. Sharp brambles of doubt and insecurity pulling them away from me, pricking and scraping my being in the process and leaving me damaged.

Music will always be my life, but it's taken so much away from me. It'll always be there, and it'll always be music for me in the end. But with music, everything else I hate comes with it.

As for love. Love took from me just as much as music, and my teenage self couldn't possibly hope to see a glimmer of hope for her dream anymore. Not as it was before because that last piece is being taken.

He is that last piece.

Suddenly, a song that played over the speakers in the dive bar came back to me.

I started gasping for breath as dry sobs wracked throughout my body, eye wide and burning as the lyrics intruded my head. My back hit the wall violently, and I slid to the ground with a heaving chest, pulling my knees close to me in an effort to stay in one piece.

"Jolene," I managed hoarsely through the tears clouding my vision before grimacing in pain and pressing trembling hands tightly against my eyes.

For many long moments, I stayed in that position, taking deep shuddering breaths and pressing against my eyes as if it'll stop the images of the future I imagined of them. The muted hum of New York City at night filtered in through the window, poisoning me with its sounds, reminding me I was still in the city that I couldn't stand at the moment with my constant thoughts of the possibility of him and her in this very city.

To think that Nick was in the room next to this, sleeping completely unaware. Then again, how could he know? He thought I had already given my last goodbye to that part of my life.

But the real last goodbye might be coming soon. The thought made the breaths leave faster from my mouth, a slow, searing burn spreading from my chest.

After many more long moments, I opened my swollen eyes, continuing softly, "Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene."

Not able to manage more than a whisper that wasn't even more than a breath, my eyes drifted toward the box of mismatched notes before closing them again in resignation.

"Claire, I'm begging of you please don't take my man."

But he's not mine anymore. I told him I gave him up.

Soon, it will be time to actually give him up.

--

I wrote this because I couldn't hold it in after reading Love Interruption. I had fucking tears seeping out of my eyes as I tried to read the last half of the chapter, already knowing that I wasn't going to get the happy ending I want.

But what kind of happy ending would it have been? The one that I was expecting, I mean. There's no way Seth would suddenly run back to Keely just to have her throw his love back at him. Even if Keely wasn't with Nick and Seth and her had gotten back together, at the state their in, they would have run themselves into the ground once more.

I don't know what kind of outcome I could possibly want that'll have them end up together. I want them both to be happy and together, but the way they are, I don't think those two words will ever describe them. I honestly think Nick and Keely are great together, and Claire and Seth might be brilliant, but it's still that ache there for Seth and Keely.

I don't want perfection. I want them together as imperfect as they are, but honestly, I'll take whatever I can get from this story.

Christ, I hated writing this because I want Seth and Keely together so bad, but I just thought about that third perspective in which Claire and Seth are getting to know each other, and Keely is just a bad memory and former bandmate. But then, I put it in her eyes, because as oblivious as she is, she knew the set up for Claire and Seth, and I know she can see what they can possibly become. It's not that she's saying that her idea of love is gone because Seth is possibly moving on, it's saying that as a teen, she expected music and Seth, and that's how it was for a while.

Now, she officially rejected Seth (to his face), and she's so close to losing the last of her idealistic teenage dream. It's like, in my head, Keely will never be the same old Keely without Seth, and that's how I tried to describe her thought process in the end. The song Jolene is what triggered me to write this because it fucking foreshadowed Claire coming in (goddamit it was done so well), and in the aftermath of that night, she's kinda using the song to say, "Don't take the last of me. Don't take Seth."

As much as I hated writing this (bc Seth and Keely all the way yo), I needed it out of my system. Will it give me peace? Not really, but it's nice to write again knowing that I still have an instinct, if it's strong enough, to make me push out some stuff.

GOd, I'm so attached even after years of not being on Wattpad, but stories like this are what draw me back, and they're helping me start writing again, as slow of a process it may be.

@chooseitwisely Your characters are so brilliantly intricate and relatable and sometimes so dumb (fuck, I want to strangle all of them sometimes) but all with the necessity that adds to who they are. You're brilliant. Thanks for being a writer, and I hope you continue.