to my angel.
jonghyun, it's been one year without you. without your sweet smile, your melodic laugh, your angelic voice. it's still hard for me to believe you are really gone. it just doesn't feel real. sometimes i think that you're still here, writing new songs, spending time with your members. but you're not. and that really hurts me. i can still remember the pain i felt when i learned that you were dead. i hadn't been a shawol for very long, just barely a month. but your death hurt me like i've never been hurt before. i felt void of emotion. that day at school, i would tear up at the thought of you and i tried so hard not to cry. i don't think i felt happy that entire day. my mom dropped me off at home and left to go get my brother, and i broke down as i was walking to the door. all the emotions i tried so hardly to keep in all escaped the moment i was alone. i cried for so long and the pain was nothing i had felt before. i had never had someone close to me die before, so i think that contributed to the pain i'd felt, because i had never experienced something like that before. i miss you so much. there are times when i wish you were still here, but then i realize i'm being selfish. you were living with so much pain everyday that you couldn't stand it and there is no way i would ever want you to go through that again. i'm so sorry. i think a couple nights after you died there was that aqua moon in japan and fans said it was you telling us that you're okay. that helped to comfort me and i still think about it a lot. it gives me hope that you are watching down on us, protecting us, and that we are never alone. i am so proud of you jonghyun, you did so well. i love you forever.
-molly
jonghyun's songs that help me sleep:
diphylleia grayi
end of a day
before our spring
