just some fun ramblings featuring our favorite sweetie angel boy!
(definitely will contain angst because duh)
these are just fun little drabbles i wrote. my full-length stories are way better, i promise!!
cover (c) yours truly
WHO NEEDS SPACE FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY? FUCK ME, I GUESS.
I let out another irritated shriek and dropped my phone on the bed again. "You're so fucking petty, Awsten!" I shouted to no one. There was nobody in our apartment, certainly not Awsten since he was in Australia.
The next four days were radio silence, not that I had any room to complain since I had told Awsten that I wanted space. He was just honoring what I asked, though I had to admit that I really wished he would've called me. But that was unfair of me and I pushed that feeling aside.
It was understood between us that I would pick him up from the airport when he came home from tour because we always wanted to see each other the very second that we possibly could. Tonight was no different, though we hadn't confirmed anything since our fight. Part of me worried that he would assume I wasn't picking him up.
I parked his shitty Honda in the short-term parking lot and made my way into the airport, holding tight to the bouquet of flowers I'd bought for him. Awsten loved sunflowers so I liked to bring him some when he came home.
Double checking the arrival times, I headed over to where his plane would dock, waiting very impatiently. Even though we had argued, I was very excited to see him again and glad that he wasn't going anywhere else for the rest of the year and we could just relax and be together again.
Fifteen long minutes later, I watched my whole world exit the jet bridge and our eyes met like the cheesiest romantic movie of all time. He was dressed comfortably, his hair faded purple and in desperate need of a haircut, and he looked wrecked. But somehow, impossibly, he actually looked happy to see me amidst all his exhaustion.
"Hey," he said when he came close enough to speak.
"Hi." I had stopped being angry with him almost immediately after our phone call four days ago. I wondered if he was still angry with me.
"Are you still mad at me?"
I shook my head. "No. Are you still mad at me?"
"No."
And then I was in his arms. He squeezed me so tightly that I felt several vertebrae in my spine pop from the effort.
"I love you, Awsten." I leaned against his shoulder, trying not to cry.
"I love you, too." I felt him sigh against me, his hand rubbing my back. "Can we leave now? I want my bed."
We drove home in complete silence but it didn't feel like bad silence. Awsten held my hand from the passenger seat, looking like he was going to fall asleep at any minute. I would be lucky if he took his shoes off before falling into bed. The next few days were definitely going to be jet lag city but that was okay because he was here with me and we'd get through it together.
"I'm sorry for what I said, Aws. It was wrong of me to project my stress onto you," I told him when we got home. I put his sunflowers in a fresh vase, setting it on our kitchen table.
"I know you're sorry. It's okay." Awsten smiled at me. "But I won't let you run away from me. It's harder when I'm far away because you can hang up on me, but I won't ever stop fighting for you."
"Distance is hard." I sighed, watching him almost fall into our bed. As an afterthought, he pushed his feet out of his shoes and climbed under the blankets, patting my usual side for me to join him.
I curled up against his back, letting him be the little spoon tonight because he was sleepy and sick and because I just wanted to snuggle.
"We always make it through in the end, though." Awsten lifted my hand and kissed my fingertips, something he did that I always thought was cute. "Just don't act like loving me is such a bad thing, okay?"
"It's not a bad thing. I don't even know why I run away from you sometimes." Awsten's body was strong and sturdy against me and even though he smelled like recycled plane air, he still smelled so good. I missed it. I missed him.
"Maybe because you get freaked out?" Awsten rolled over a little to look at me. "You're so hell-bent on heartbreak sometimes, like you think things are too perfect so you start setting fire to things that are good in your life."
He was onto something. I had a nasty habit of being uncomfortable when things were going well because, I supposed, I anticipated that things should've been going badly. Or maybe I had a fear of abandonment so I pushed Awsten away before he could leave me. It made my brain hurt to think about.
"Tonight really isn't the night to get in this discussion." I smiled at Awsten, leaning down to kiss him, nice and sweet.
"Mm, you're right." He closed his eyes and rolled back over, leaving me to cuddle in close against his back. "Tomorrow, then."
"Tomorrow for sure," I agreed. "I love you, Aws."
When I didn't get an answer, I opened my eyes and sat up a little. Awsten must have immediately passed out the second he rolled over again because he was dead to the world, just like that. I pressed my lips against his shoulder and then settled back down against him, falling asleep beside him, right where I belonged.
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