From England, With Love

Another Perspective

I live on the first floor. It's a bigger apartment than Ae's, with white furnishings. I left my small heater on all day so walking through the front door feels like falling into a warm hug. I subconsciously touch my shoulder, remembering Ae's fingers before quickly stopping.

It was just a favour, nothing else to it.

But I can't help but smile a little.

I suppose I just feel a bit attached to him because he's my first friend here, in England. Are we even friends? Maybe he was just asked to make me feel welcome. That wouldn't surprise me.

My mood drops, a result of my pessimistic thinking, and end up deciding to skip dinner. Instead, I finish some school work and then draw a bath, not holding back on the bubbles.

I undress, and quickly slip into the water before the chill hits me, and draw my knees to my chest.

It's too quiet in here. I feel alone. I'm not used to this country, the school, the people. It's one thing to learn a language, it's another to speak it on a daily basis. It may be foolish, but I think of the girl at the school gate; her tight pony tail and black trainers. I panicked back there, and I wish I hadn't. But, the truth is, once she started screaming at me, I... couldn't understand her. All her words just melted together into sounds that I vaguely recognised but couldn't pick out distinctly.

It's like I forgot how to speak, and how to listen. I resigned myself to the abuse and my body froze. I was helpless. Defenceless. Weak.

I begin to cry again, tasting the salt at the corner of my mouth before submerging myself into the water, closing my eyes and allowing my head to slip beneath the surface.

When I sit up, I will be okay. When I sit up, I will stop being weak. When I sit up, I will speak with confidence. When I sit up, I will embrace my circumstances. When I sit up, I will get over myself.

I break the water as I rise, my hair dripping. It is still silent in the room, aside from the rippling of the water.

I should buy some candles.

The next day is wet. I huddle under my umbrella as I walk to school, not that it really helps as the wind blows the cold water into me. Once I get around to renting a car, at least I won't have to get wet.

I subconsciously look around for Ae, kind of hoping not to see him because I don't know what I would say to him. So, I decide to try and stay in quiet places, and avoid him at all costs. My day passes pretty smoothly like this, and luckily one of my classmates from history is kind enough to drop me off at my lessons.

I still get stared at by the girls – I don't know how I feel about it. Whilst I'm flattered, none of them really interest me... not to be rude or anything! I just... have other things on my mind?

It's lunch time now. Annoyingly the rain hasn't stopped so I can't sit outside like I did yesterday. Instead, I head to the computer room. There's five, maybe six people in there; a group of three friends, and some others getting some work done during the break. I suppose that's sensible.

I sit in an emptier area of the room and get my water bottle out of my bag. The café in the Common Room sells water but I'm a bit unsure of what to do in cafeteria type situations, so I just bring me own.

One of the girls in the group of friends sees me, and comes over.

At first, I dread that I'm about to endure a repeat of yesterday, but this girl sits down gently and smiles.

"Pete, right?"

I nod.

"I'm Tabitha." She introduces herself. Now that I really look at her, she doesn't really dress like the other girls here. She's wearing a spiked choker round her neck and a band shirt. I also recognise her from my history class.