7:15 AM, LAX
Have you ever wondered how is it to be anyone else? In the chaos of the airport, with you in the middle, have you ever thought 'what if you were them and one of them was you'? What if you were the soldier, in full gear, eager to go meet the family he has long since seen? Or the paralytic craning her head left and right for just a glimpse of her daughter arriving? Or the giggling mothers and fathers welcoming home their kids from a state sanctioned competition? In the sea of people through the arrival area, of fits and laughter, of hugs and kisses, would they even, for a second, wonder how it is to be you? Just plain you, a smile plastered on your face. Not when they are overwhelmed with joy upon seeing a son from war. Not when they are ecstatic to hear their daughter's stories of adventures and sometimes misfortunes. Not when the kids wave gold medals to their faces to celebrate victories. Different faces, different stories to tell. One thing in common, home. But what if, in that crowd, you were the tiny girl beyond the railings, frail but expectant, in her best little frumpy dress with a smile so big that seemed to waver at every passing second? What if you were her, waiting for someone to arrive but never did? Wouldn't you, in her place, at that moment, wonder how it is to be you?
"Bea!!!"
And then a hug. I snapped out of my reverie, desperately trying to be coherent enough to hug a friend. Jules has just arrived from a vacation in the Carribean, and I, being a good friend, picked her up.
"Alam mo, wala ka pa ring pinagbago," she giggled as she dragged me to the exit. "Tulala ka pa rin."
I playfully bumped her with my hip. "One week ka lang wala. People dont change that fast, Jules."
"Eh diba yun iyong nangyari sa boyfriend mong gago?" She retorted with a laugh. Yeah, right. I rolled my eyes at her. "Are we back to this now?"
Jules nodded her head. "Yup, until you get it in that little mind of yours that he's not coming back. Iniwan ka na, finish na."
I popped open the trunk of the car and loaded her lone baggage. "He just needs time, Jules."
She rolled her eyes like she always does and hurriedly got in the car - disbelieving and disappointed.
******
"Wala pa rin?"
It was a question I have gotten so used to answering with a shake of my head. Four weeks. I have been waiting in that arrival lobby everyday for four weeks hoping that by some miracle, she has decided to come home - to me.
"Do we still try again tomorrow?"
I hesitated. It was draining me - the waiting. Hopelessness slowly creeping into my soul. I was tired. Maybe... maybe it's for the best.
I sighed.
I shook my head. Again, but a first, all the same.
"You'll be alright, bro," Bacon tapped me by the shoulder in an effort to console me before heading towards the car. I hoped it was enough to know that someone believed I will be fine. Because I don't. Not now.
Not when I just lost the love of my life.
I started making my way, mindlessly, completely ignoring that I was going the other way.
"Thirdy, saan punta mo?!" I could clearly hear Bacon's voice beyond the noise of the airport. Then I heard his footsteps, behind me, awhile after.
I halted.
"To find myself."
Silence.
I need to get away.
*****
"One more, please."
"Bei," Jules helplessly held me by the arm. "Not to be a party pooper or anything, but you have already had too much for tonight."
