At the Beginning With You [Harmione]

12. Secret's Out

"Look at me, Harry, I'm not exactly what you would call drop dead gorgeous. How could you have wanted me?"

"So what, do you honestly think I'm that shallow? I thought you knew me better than that, Hermione."

"Yes, I do, Harry, because teenage boys are shallow. I remember seeing the way you looked at Cho and Ginny, never once did you look at me like that. I was just your friend, that girl that bailed you out when you another five inches on your essay. Or that girl that got in your way by trying to make you see reason or look at things from all angles before diving in head first."

"I have never thought of you like that, Hermione, not once! You're so much more to me than that!"

"Ok then, Harry, tell me this, what would you have said if I told you that I loved you while we were in school? What would you have done?" Harry opened his mouth, but stopped. He didn't know the answer to that question. But Hermione seemed to know that.

"Exactly." Hermione got up and went to the door, standing there, hinting to Harry that he should leave. Harry stared at the floor for a little bit, then looked up at Hermione and smiled half-heartedly.

"Everything's going to change now, isn't it?" Hermione crossed her arms across her chest and her gaze, which was on the floor too, moved up to Harry.

"Not unless we let it change," she said flatly. Harry solemnly nodded and stood up to leave. Hermione intently stared at a space on the floor as Harry walked past her out the door. Harry retreated to his bedroom down the hall, shutting the door behind him. He sat down on his bed, his mind still running wild with all the information that had hit him like a sack of bludgers. He wasn't sure how he felt about what Hermione had told him. He mentally cursed his conscience, that little voice in his head that always sounded like Hermione, tell him, 'No, you know what you think about it, you know you've been thinking about it, first since that night at Godric's Hallow, then after that kiss, remember how part of you wished you hadn't agreed to stay away from the "caught up in the moment" type of situations? Admit it, my friend; you've even been thinking about it since that night Ron came back, when he stabbed the locket. Because you have to admit it, that kiss in the locket looked hot. She's like a sister, yeah right. And Voldemort was like a cuddly teddy bear.' Harry shook his head to get rid of that little voice of reason. One of the pictures on his dresser caught his eye. It was the one of him and Hermione at the celebration party. He picked it up and looked at the two of them staring back at him. The Harry and Hermione in the picture looked so calm and peaceful, as if being there with each other was all that mattered at the time, none of the horrific things they had witnessed or experienced were important right then. She had wanted him to be happy, that was why she never told him how she felt. And she did raise a good point, what would he have done if she had told him? He honestly didn't know what he would've said, and that would've hurt her, if he just didn't say anything. There were so many life or death situations they knew they were going into, no one knew if they'd survive or not, why didn't she say anything then? 'Again, she was probably afraid of being hurt. You've never been the best at handling girls.' That little nagging voice answered back. Why did she go out with Ron then, if she didn't fancy him? He seriously misread how he thought Hermione felt about Ron then, if she loved Harry. Then why did she kiss Ron before the final battle? 'Maybe it was a caught up in the moment thing? You seem to be using that excuse a lot lately.' What a big sacrifice though, Harry thought, to stand by and watch the person you love go out with someone else just so he would be happy. 'Or what she thought would make you happy.' Harry set the picture down and left the room, going back down the hall. He knocked on Hermione's door and waited patiently while she came to open it. She just opened it a crack, enough for him to see her face. She had already dressed for bed, dressed in a tank top and pajama bottoms. She didn't say anything, so Harry just launched in to what he wanted to ask her.

"If you loved me, why did you go out with Ron?"

"He asked me," she said simply.

"But—"

"And you were dating Ginny; she was expecting you to come home to her. And Ron asked me, so I decided that maybe if I went out with him, then I could get over you. But..." she sighed. "It didn't work."

"But why didn't you tell me? Think of all those times where we were going into situations where we might've died, why didn't you say anything then? What would've happened if I had died?"

"Then I would've tried to deal with it. Though I'm sure I wouldn't be able to."

"So then—"

"Harry, all those situations were times when you needed to concentrate on one thing and one thing only: surviving. I didn't want to add any more burdens to your life; you had enough as it was." Harry sighed. Hermione leaned her head against the door and said to him, "You know, we're going to have a hard time keeping things from changing between us if you don't let this go, Harry."

"If you were me, could you let it go easily?"

"I don't know, it depends."

"What do you mean it depends?"

"It would depend on what was bothering me about this whole thing. It would depend on how I really felt if I were you." There was that sack of bludgers again, that brought new thoughts to Harry's mind. He could just imagine that little voice of reason giggling uncontrollably. Hermione straightened up from leaning against the door and began to close it. "Goodnight, Harry." She shut the door, leaving Harry standing there, trying to figure out all the new thoughts that were bombarding his brain.