my best friend and my ex

chapter one

Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Hannah and I have or had, not sure about that, a best friend. Emily. And I had a boyfriend. Lorenz. Well, it wasn't really a relationship, it was more a social media relationship. We only texted and never talked in school, we didn't even kiss, but the 8 months we were together were the best months of my life. Yes, there is a were. I broke up with him and now my Life is just a mess. Since that day I were sad, and not just because I broke up, no, it was another reason but I didn't know which. A month later I got over the breakup, but I never stopped crying for some reason. I researched and researched but found nothing. I knew there was something with me which I could not find out, but I knew I need to, because if not. Something bad will happen, and I am sure about this. That all happened in 2016, and now it's 2018, and everything changed.

We are writing December the 08th 2018, and today was a normal school day like every other day in my life. When I came to school Emily already saw me and came to me.  ,,Good morning bby, how are you?'', she asked and hugged me through it. ,,I'm fine'', I answered. But I wasn't fine, and she knew it. But she only answered ,,I'm fine too.'' And that was our conversation. After this sentence, she saw Lorenz, ran to him and hugged him. I saw this smile on her face I always see when she sees him, but when she sees me, it's just a normal face. I stared at them for a long time and 5 minutes later they split and Lorenz came to me. ,,Are you okay Hannah? You seem a little bit sad lately, do you wanna talk in the break?'', he asked. Finally, someone who cared about me. ,,I'm okay, it's nothing, everything is fine'', I answered. Why do I keep doing this, I needed him, but I said no I'm fine. That was the worst decision in my life. I thought of correcting myself and saying yes, I need you, but the bell rang and he said:,,okay, but I am always gonna be here if you wanna talk.'' ,,I know, thank you.'' School was done really quick and I was really happy when the bell rang. I packed my things, hugged Emily and was about to go home, but then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Lorenz. ,,I need to talk to you for a second'', he said. ,,What's wrong, is everything okay?'' ,,This is what I wanted to ask you, Hannah, I see when people are really sad, please, just talk with me, and don't hide, you can always talk to me or Emily.'' I wanted to tell him so bad because I needed him more than ever, but the last thing he said, after that I didn't want anymore. ,,I can't talk to Emily, everything is different now'', I answered. ,,Then fucking tell me what is wrong here, talk to me, Hannah, I care about you, I really do.'' ,,I-I can't, I'm sorry Lorenz, I need to go, It's just, I need to go, See you.'' I left, I left him standing there and hoping to tell him what's wrong, but I couldn't, it was not the right time. But when will be the right time? I don't know but I hope it will be soon.