Sometimes a fake smile it's the only way out , out of every question, out of every what's happening, out of every you OK? Every sure nothing happen , it's just I'm done , done of feeling like this, feeling like every part of me is useless, feeling like I don't matter and don't want to matter to the world, but everything I can do on that moment, it's just smile and say nothing happens, I know some of the people that knows me , know that , that's it's an answer I would never give if I were OK.
And the most horrible thing it's that I don't even know how I started feeling like this, maybe I just stopped loving myself, maybe I'm just tired of life in general, the same thing everyday get up, eat, study/work, eat, study/work, sleep and repeat the process. The same shit everyday. Maybe it's because I should never been born, but that's how it is.
Or maybe it's because I'm afraid of loving, myself or others and then when everything goes wrong just feel pain again and again.
I think I'm not sad, depressed or anything like that, I think I'm tired, confuse and scare, scare of myself.
Scare of not been enough for the people that are important to me, scare of been a disappointment, scare of wasting time and space that probably other would use even better.
But I discovered something, after all these years of thinking and feeling pain, I don't want others like me to keep feeling like that.
Even if I just hide my pain, I'm gonna help as much people as I can.
Because if I can't be happy I'm gonna make everyone else happy, I'm gonna put a smile on their faces, a real smile and maybe everything I do someday will return to me.
But even if that's not the case I'm gonna leave knowing that I use my time in order to help others.
And to you, if you are reading this, you give me a new look at life, a little bit to much of happiness, I appreciate you a lot, I hate seen you sad, stressed or "tired", so if you need someone to talk or just rest, you can count on me. And even if you don't need anything I'm gonna be by your side.
I know sometimes or everytime I can be an idiot, that is afraid of showing true feelings, but believe me when I say I love you , because those are words that I can't fake, those are words that I don't say that much.
I'm going to end this by saying or writing:
"I love you, I just want to see you smile, every day and every night,
Because your smile just make me fly,
Every worry and every pain just go when you are there,
The sun's gone, that's why we should talk,
But never stop smiling, because your eyes shine when you are happy, a shine that give peace to my soul,
a shine that make me feel calm and warm"
Thank you.
