Thoughts of a man who has never loved before

January sun spilled over him, warming him, that same light reflected on the ground and pavement he walked. He cursed himself for walking in the sun, stuck with his old fellow friends making their way through the throngs of new comers, unsure of how and why he had hooked up with them. Drinking mind-numbering tap water and tramping in and out of classrooms and offices was not his idea of a first day of the year at school. And yet, here he was, sitting in a room filled with whispers, thick with the scent of paint, occasional bursts of laughter, rich with welcome. Scanning through the people he caught his breath as her image flooded his mind and with her big dark eyes and sexy contralto voice. Always laughing, bringing hi out of himself; she in his hands, his life or maybe his love has never given or shared with someone. he curled his fingers in his palms, the beauty of her so sharp he winced.

He found himself looking for her every single day, listening for her. since her presence he's been unable to stop thinking of her. he shook his head in confusion and disappointment, only because she was with someone else already. So soon he wondered, probably it was in acceptance of curiosity and loneliness. He reasoned only because of people's judgement and disapproval. She had laughed so often about chemistry going on between them as absence of humor. He drew his eyebrows together; it had been so long as he asked himself what love is, what it is like to have a lover? Being lost in his own thoughts, he saw others hold hands, smile at each other and even kiss. He considered that to be love.

Oh, he had thought of her, he never considered going after her, he had nothing to give her, and he still didn't. His frown deepened, the reminiscing stopped now, he decided. It was a foolish waste of time and energy. It bordered on maudlin. Just as he had put down the fight, she sat beside him and greeted him. He dragged his attention to the greeting. Yes it was her, he thought, what should he do? Act as if he didn't hear her say "Hie" or say "Hie" too. it was his chance for the first time for heaven's sake. He got the right idea, he turned and talked back more than he expected they would. he lifted his eyebrows and smiled with content as she turned and walked away. Intent on seeing her come back filled inside him. He stared at her as she moved swiftly across his sight, his heart beginning to thump against the wall of his chest; that's when he felt something and knew he had love for someone for a change in his love.

Since one thing is always vivid in his mind, it always floods his mind, so sensory, he can almost hear her coaxing laugh, almost feel her presence. He tightens his fingers on the pen as he writes. She always smells of sunshine and exotic flowers. But, he doesn't know how she tastes, but he assumes she tastes as sweet as strawberries, when she softens and dumps her lips with her soft red moist tongue, her voice as soft and delicious and sweet as honey.Time passed and here he sits and writes of his own true feelings for the first time in his life, for someone like her. Only he thinks that he is not falling at her feet like the others, but rather thinks he is just being attracted by the girl's love like a magnet. Anywhere he feels pity for himself as he never touched and laced his fingers and hand to someone he called his girl. A flicker of emotion in his eyes gives him a stupid look as he tries to come to his senses. 

He squeezes his eyes shut, fighting some stupid thoughts that won't even happen. Returning to reality and a sense of equilibrium, he puts his head against his cupped hand and wonders if she going to understand. At once he thought how he liked her character, enthusiasm and of course her satisfaction of everything that she experiences. Of course her beauty that dazzles his thoughts, her long and firm blunt-tipped long nailed fingers. He sucked in a sharp breath and he glanced down. He was okay, but confused whether to tell her he liked her.

                                                                                 THE END.....