"I think a baton is a fancy word for a dildo"
my friend who's phoning me, drunk and laying in the street: "we're having a picnic"
"She doesn't have a heart, just a dick."
"In the chest?"
"Yeah so when they love someone a lot they get an erection but you can see it sticking out of their chest."
"Tiddy erection!"
"I can't sing the Mii plaza theme without crying"
"What do you use pesto for apart from pasta?"
"Lube"
*judgemental stares*
