tired yet? ||cashby||

Chapter 1

"It's okay... I'm gonna go out," I said, looking down.

"It's pretty dark out there," he remarked. Why does he care? Why doesn't he just go back downstairs? It confused me, but, at any rate, I liked being here with him. It felt safe, like we were stuck in a pool of sound and warm air and relaxed summer feelings.

"I've got a flashlight," I said, patting my pocket. Austin nodded, watching me for another second before disappearing into the basement. My heart slowed down, and I slipped out the side door, into the dark morning.
There was almost no light, so my flashlight provided that. For an hour, I just wandered around the streets, shining my light on anything that moved. There was a huge barn on the street that mine came off of, and it was totally abandoned. In the daylight, no one noticed the barn. It was just an old place that no one had bothered to tear down. But, in the ocean of shadows, it was terrifying. The windows were like hollow eyes, and you could almost see silhouettes inside them. You know, when your imagination goes wild and makes things that don't exist become real? I hated that, and it made me speed-walk away from the barn as fast as I could. The whole place gave me bad vibes; the kind that eat a hole in your stomach.

After I snuck back inside, I tiptoed down the stairs. They were all still awake, and playing that video game. No one noticed me this time, and I was grateful. Slipping back into my room, I unzipped the hoodie and my pants. After dropping both to the floor, I climbed back into bed. This time, my mind was much more sluggish, and I fell asleep quickly, even though they only ever got louder outside my bedroom door.

•••

"Alan, wake up! Breakfast!" A voice startled me from my dreams, shocking my body straight up into a sitting position. Breathing slower, I felt my heart slow down a little. The place in my bed was warm from where I'd fallen asleep, but now the air was warm, too. The combination made my skin crawl, so I got straight out of bed.

Summer, I thought, and smiled a little. School this year had been rough, but now that was all over. It was such a comforting thought. After ignoring my fiery halo of bed head, I dragged myself up the stairs and into the kitchen. It was so much brighter than last night, and that feeling, like the dark, safe pool of summer air was all gone. Now, it was loud and happy, with 7 hungry teenage boys sitting around the table and waiting for waffles. My mom stood at the counter, smiling at them like they were her own children, and mixing batter. She had 3, Michael, Sophie, and myself, but for some weird reason she still wanted more.

"Good morning, Alan," she greeted. I waved a little; my voice was too scratchy to speak yet. So I grabbed a tall glass of water and chugged a little of it, partly for my voice and partly because of morning breath. I'd never understood how people could just wake up and kiss whoever was sleeping next to them; it just didn't make any sense. A few of Michael's friends said hi to me, so I mumbled a little 'hello' before sitting at the end of the table. Austin's eyes flicked to me from where he was sitting at the other end of the kitchen table. He smiled at me, but it was a really warm smile. It was a smile that you use for your friends. I smiled back, trying not to be awkward, and looked away from him.

To be honest, I thought he was really cute, and I didn't want that to show. He'd never come over again if he knew I thought that. Not that it mattered, anyways; he was Michael's friend, and not mine. I didn't really have many friends anymore. Not after what happened during the school year.

"Here ya go, sweetie," my mom said, handing me a plate with a couple waffles on it.

"Thanks mom." I accepted it, kissing her cheek and taking my plate outside. As I left, my brother and a few of his friends laughed at me for being so girlish. It phased me none.
After exiting the house, I sat on our patio, where the sun shone brightly overhead. Little birds chirped their songs to each other, and I just imagined that they were talking to me, instead. The waffles tasted amazing, and I just sat there and enjoyed the sunlight spilling on my cheeks and the taste of syrup in my mouth. There were some times in my life that I just liked to experience alone, and right now, the sky was my friend. Have you ever just sat down and smelled the clean air? It makes you feel clean, too, even if your clothes are rumpled and you need to brush your teeth.

"Hey, you forgot this," a voice said behind me. I turned, and Austin stood there with my water glass.

"Oh, thanks," I mumbled, holding my arm out and taking it.

"Sure." Instead of leaving, he sat next to me. His eyes were tired, and his clothes were also rumpled, but it looked good on him, for some reason. I didn't know why he was out here, but I liked sitting with him. Neither of us said anything for a moment.

"How was your walk last night?" He broke the silence.

"It was nice," I replied. His voice made my insides feel strange. Austin was on the football team, and he was a year older than me. After summer, he'd be a junior, and I would be a puny sophomore.

"Does the dark freak you out?" he asked quietly, looking up at the sun. I shrugged, blushing for no reason. I bet myself silently that I looked dumb.

"Not really. It just makes things prettier," I answered. He watched me for a moment.

"Could be dangerous," he said, smiling a little. "You shouldn't go out alone."

"There's no other way for me to go out," I mumbled back. His smile slipped a little, and he turned back to the sun.

"Hm," was all he said. With a little groaned, and the sound of his back cracking, he stood up and walked back inside. I sat there, missing the feeling of someone siting with me. After I finished eating, I snuck back inside and took a long, hot shower, trying to wash everything away from my skin.