The letter

Chapter one

It was one of those fucked up Wednesdays in Los Angeles. Not that if it were a Friday it would be better. God, every fucking day was a goddamn waste and you know what? I had everything. I had a rich ass father who seemed not to care enough for me to raise me good, but allowed me everything and bought me everything thinking that that would make up for the days he spent traveling his ass around the world, making fucking deals with other rich people and earning more money, a lot of money. Nobody knew I was feeling this way because I made it seem like it was okay. Fuck I had absolutely everything in the world and I knew I would have every new thing that I liked, every fucking college that I wanted to attend. Not that I needed my father's money to be accepted in a college, I studied. Not a lot, not even slightly close to "a lot", I just seemed to understand things easily.

I didn't care for nobody. I had a few friends. Well, not that I liked to call them friends exactly... They were just people that I hanged out with at parties, but I didn't rely on no one of them enough to trust them. We just went to the parties of rich ass teenagers, smoked a fucking lot of weed, did cocaine even because...well... we could afford it and it was awesome. Then again I was lonely and I used these people that I hanged out with to escape from this whole called loneliness. I thought it would do, but the fact is that I was a body of mixed emotions such as loneliness and constant anger. Anger at the lonely world I lived in, a world full of everything that money could get, but somehow lonely.

I didn't know what was missing, I wasn't searching for cliche love. I did have a girlfriend. A fucking serious one. I loved her, at least I thought I did. I was a romantic boyfriend back then and waited until she was ready. I thought I wanted to love her and to show her my love for her but she said she wasn't ready. Karen was her name. I was patient and I waited. Of course everything fucked up when I found out she fucked my fucking best friend Niall. Not once, not twice, they had it going for a long ass time. Fucking Niall. I was heart-broken and I ended every relationship I had with both my girlfriend and my best friend. After them I somehow changed and I understood no friendship is permanent and everybody either leaves or fucks up, breaks your fucking heart and you leave them. I started doing cocaine and fucked every girl that I met on parties. I didn't love anything. I didn't have hobbies because I couldn't commit to anything at all. I liked writing, but I couldn't finish anything either. I lost interest in everything and my life basically consisted of going to parties, fucking my life up and fucking girls' brains out. Everyone knew who Harry Styles was and I liked it in a way, I liked the power, that infinite power I had. The truth was that I loathed who I was back then and even if everyone knew me, I didn't know myself. I didn't know myself before HER entering my life and lighting it. But that is a whole other story...