Assistant to the CEO

Chapter Thirty-One: Boo, You're Boring

"More reason to come out and get drunk with me."

Honestly it was tempting to just get drunk and forget everything, but I also wanted to deal with it for once. I wanted to deal with my emotions rather than just mask them with something like alcohol or sex. It wasn't going to solve my problems. With Isaac I bottled it up so much that it affected me for a year, I couldn't do the same with Clarke.

I decided I needed to tell Ava the truth. I thought about telling Kieran but his relationship history wasn't the best. I was hoping Ava wouldn't rub it in my face when she saw how serious I was. She was supposed to be my friend after all.

"I want to tell you something," I said to Ava as I sat on a stool at the kitchen bench and she cooked dinner, "but I need you to not judge me, and just listen, okay? I really need to get it off my chest and I want to tell you."

Ava paused from the pot she was stirring to look at me. "You know I'm here for you. You've never judged me, I wouldn't judge you."

I took one deep breath in before I spoke. "Okay. So...back in LA things with Clarke kind of changed. We'd been getting closer lately anyway, as you pointed out, but in LA I realised that...it was closer than I thought, and that maybe I do feel something for Clarke."

Ava almost dropped the spoon. I could see her physically holding her reaction back and holding a, 'I told you so.'

"Okay," Ava said slowly. "I...how... What made you realise this?"

"I don't really know," I admitted. "When we were together, things changed. Everything was always fun, and playful and then everything was loving and careful and passionate. It's not just that though. When Isaac came and apologised, something snapped in me and I wasn't so scared to be near someone anymore. I was actually sharing my feelings with Clarke, and I thought he was doing the same."

"What do you mean, thought?" Ava frowned. "When I was teasing you about it being more serious, it wasn't just because of you, but Clarke too. Actually more Clarke than you, I always thought he liked you a lot."

I shook my head quickly. It didn't feel that way, not now anyway. He was so quick to dismiss me, tell me to get away, and that he hadn't changed.

"He told me he hadn't changed," I muttered. "He told me. He's still selfish...and he can't feel that way about one person."

"Is that why you quit?" Ava asked, now walking over to me.

"No," I replied. "He... he did something that could put the company in danger. I asked him to stop and change his mind, but he said he didn't want to, and that he couldn't. He cares about his image and money more than being honest."

"I... I don't believe that," Ava said, looking directly at me. "I mean, I know coming from Parker it isn't a completely reliable source, but he told me Clarke really has changed and he does care. I didn't want to say anything because I thought you would hate me, but Parker said Clarke talked about you, a lot. Parker said... he's never seen him like this. Never seen him care about someone that wasn't himself."

I was still kind of surprised by the way Ava was reacting right now. I expected Ava to be a little more in my face about all of this. Instead she was being completely calm and comforting and even cautious. Like she didn't want to set me off. I don't think she could though. I felt so weirdly a peace lately, it would take a lot to set me off right now.

"Even so, he wasn't going to change his mind," I told Ava. "It just...when he said that, it felt awful. Like he was ready to give up, like he didn't care. I don't know, I just didn't like that."

"You want him to care," Ava nodded, understanding what I was saying. "Maybe, he still could? I mean, maybe you gave up to easily on him?"

"I...I don't know," I muttered. "I stayed in the beginning when everything was awful, when he really didn't care. I stayed when I wasn't sure he could change, and then I thought he did. Things went well in Paris and I saw something and it made him try harder. I guess he let it all go to his head though. The success, he'd do anything for it, even lie."