It's Only Him

Unlit

It's always him. Only him. I just don't know how to make him see.

It's been this way for a while now. Previously we had had nothing to do with each other, but when the teacher put us next to each other in class, we accepted the other's presence. We talked. We laughed. We became friends, but only in class, never having any notion to spend time with each other. That was fine. I had a boyfriend; admittedly, we were in rough waters at the time, but I tried to hold on.

He was jealous. Apparently I was becoming too friendly with my table partner for his liking. I didn't see - couldn't see. When I finally did see that it wasn't going to work out, I accepted it. We broke up about three weeks later. It was inevitable. It was great while it lasted. It was fun. It was better as friendship.

I wasted no time in telling my friends about it. Word spread around school, and for about eight hours I was free. I did not know that my
freedom would be short-lived.

But before that.

Yes, we both liked each other. He had liked me from the get-go, apparently; ever since we shared that first laugh together and started making memories, silly playing when we were friends. We were young; innocent; inexperienced. Crushes, nothing more. Drama class, Maths, English and PE became the highlights of my school life without me realising. Again, neither of us went out of our way to be with each other, mainly because I was still taken, and also too blind to comprehend what I actually felt.

I became single again, after a decent year and four months. I don't regret anything; it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Looking back, we were better as friends. We're friends now. No regrets, as said.

About a week before, my soon-to-be boyfriend emailed me. We had been chatting: a normal school night. I wasn't paying much attention - homework requires a lot of brain-power sometimes. His response to one of my questions caught me off-guard. He admitted he liked me. I wondered why I started crying when he said that. It was then that I finally saw properly for the first time.

I liked him too.

Fast-forward to the next week, Wednesday: Science class. After a quick motion from my now-ex, I knew we were done. The first thing I did was smile, and spent the rest of that lesson feeling great. We knew it wasn't going to last; we had been crumbling for a while. There was no bitterness, no sore feelings. It just didn't work. End of science meant me telling my friends. End of the day meant me emailing my crush, as per usual. Told him about my break-up. Didn't expect anything to happen. Puzzled over some homework. Heard the noise that signifies a new message. Looked up. Read the email.

"Will you be my girlfriend then?"

Shock. Joy. Amazement. Bewilderment.

That was the start of something amazing.

That was the start of us.