To The Boy Who Doesn't Love Me Back

Jonathan

Dear Jonathan,

If there's ever a chance that you may find this, believe me, You'll know it's about you.

I'm not even sure where to start. What to say. There's really no need for me to be writing this. I've already told you I'm in love with you. I've asked you out multiple times, and each time you shoot me down. But I always manage to get back up somehow. I can't tell you why or how I feel this way, but every time I see you, I can barely breathe. Every time I hear your voice, it sends chills down my spine, in the best way possible.

Can I just say, your eyes are actually mesmerizing. Honestly they're my favorite thing about you. And I've told you this before but I've never told you why. Your eyes aren't any special color, they're not blue or grey or green. They're just brown. The color has nothing to do with it. It's just the way they are when our eyes meet. Your eyes are almost glazed over, they're hypnotic. I could spend hours just staring at them (though that might be a little awkward

It's unrealistic how much you've hurt me. How many times you've broken my heart, my mind. At this point, it's like my heart is being held together by just a few band-aids. But I always put myself back together, because I always hope that one day, you won't break me again. No matter how many times you hurt me, I'll always come back to you. You've literally got me trapped. So go on, break me again. It doesn't matter, I'll just let you back in anyway.

You told me that there was a time when you actually did like me. Maybe if I had told you earlier, we might be together. My feelings for you confuse the shit out of me. Sometimes I want to randomly walk up to you and kiss you. And other times I wanna slap you straight across the face.

You've played with my feelings more times than I count. I could talk about all the times but I'd rather not relive that. You make me crazy in both the best and worst ways. Just once, I'd like you to give me a chance. Just a small chance. Like hang out with me. Actually talk to me. Maybe then you'll change your mind. Probably not.

You know what's a dangerous phrase? What if. Six letters, two words. So little, yet so dangerous. What if I had told you sooner? What if I kissed you when I had the chance? What If you loved me back? The thing that makes these statements so dangerous is that, no matter how many times I ask them. No matter how hard I try to figure it out, I'll never really know.

And that really sucks.

Here's the deal. I don't want to like you. I really don't. But I do. It took me four years to realize that I loved you, and it'll probably take me four more to get over you. So we're both just gonna have to deal with it for now. Trust me, I'm not happy about it either.

With lots of love,

The girl with the purple hair