you will never see this letter. but i hope you feel it. i hope you feel the things that i do when i'm with you. and no i'm not talking about butterflies, light pink cheeks, or shy smiles. i hope you feel the rough waves crashing against each other. they shove me under, deeper and deeper, until I can't breathe anymore. and my lungs, they ache and burn and beg for me to breathe. i'm trying to string two thoughts together to explain the overwhelming emotions that are crashing against me like rough waves but i seem to be at a loss for words. there are so many thoughts running through my mind and they're beating like a drum trying to escape the small confinements I hold them in-- but i don't let them escape, i can't. they'll tell you all the things I don't want you to know while simultaneously want you to make me say. and your arms, like ocean waves, entrap me as you tell me you love me. but this isn't the love i want. you are not feeling the waves that i'm feeling. we're swimming in two completely different oceans. there's so many thoughts swarming my head yet somehow you reoccur the most.
no matter what i'm thinking about i'm always thinking about you.
i wish i could find a way to convey the way im feeling to you but i can't. and it's crazy to think like this which is ironic because when im with you i cant think at all. you tell me sweet pretty things to get me by but they aren't enough to calm these rapidly moving waters. you've started a hurricane inside of me but you're built of lies. you pull me in and push me out and I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much I try you will never be you. you will never be bare. you will never be the person i've made you out to be in my head. i fed into the false truths that were not promised to me in the first place.
i fell in love with you despite knowing you swam in a different ocean
i fell in love with you despite knowing that you were a boy built of lies.
i fell in love with your ocean blue eyes.
sincerly, the girl you told you loved dearly.
