when we talked on the phone you sounded indifferent
as if the tears hadn't flown from your eyes nights before
when you cried saying you'd give me the world if you could
and you had suddenly forgotten what it was like to feel pain
i listened
for something
anything really
a crack in your voice
maybe i wanted for you to choke instead
the weight of the words on the tip of your tongue too heavy
to crawl up from the depths of your mind
your plain conscious
dotted with thoughts of me
but you dont.
you asked me what i wanted to do but all i could think about was if it was going to rain
because it was breezy, almost windy
and the bitter gray clouds reflected everything that i had felt inside since that moment i left.
i felt needy
but how could i want to feel needed when i was the one who said
i didn't need you
or maybe i said i didn't want you
but in reality i just can't
the pressure of trying to love someone like you is too high demand
my mind aches
my temples pound
my heart breaks
i'm left to drown
save me.
when i called you at 12:45 in the morning saying i wanted to sleep
it wasn't because i needed you
i needed to see if you need me
because when i'm awake you're racing through my mind
memories play ten times over
my thoughts are stuck on rewind
because i keep coming back when i say that i'm done
how do you say something over when it's just now begun?
my mind only draws blanks when it comes down to you
because my souls shutting down and my loves all fucked up
and i'm chasing the answers in slow motion no progress
how do i keep trying when i think you could care less
when you carelessly love me because you're caring and love me
no matter what
in the end.
when i think about a world without you
well
not one without you
but my world when it's lacking your touch
and there's no one to call
and no more giving up
and my skin craves your fingertips
and my tongue caresses your lips
and you trace your way down my back with your index finger
lost in love
with you
time seems
to
linger
like my thoughts of loving you
and if i never let go then i would have to miss you
but loving you is losing you
cause while you're hurting me
i'm straight up abusing you
you need me to save you
because when we talked on the phone i sounded indifferent
as if the tears hadn't flown from my eyes nights before
down my cheeks like the jordan river running across my skin.
when i cried saying i love you but i can't keep letting this happen
please..
it was
almost
as if
i had suddenly forgotten what it was like to give in
you listened
for something
anything really
a break in my voice
maybe you wanted for me to laugh instead
but right now the weight of this world seems too heavy for me to let your love in
to let you crawl into the depths of my mind
my plain conscious
dotted with thoughts of you
but i don't.
and you don't hold that against me.
