Him,
Deep down it was always you I wanted. Even to this day when I tell myself I don't feel anything for you. Even when all I can do is think of you. When I try to write you cloud my mind. I can only think of you. But it breaks my heart to know that this will never happen. Even when I tell my friends we are just friends I look over to see if you're looking back at me. I pray that one day you will look at me the way I look at you. But you're too busy looking at someone else. I try to act like I'm fine but you don't know how it feels to look you in the eye every day. You don't know how it feels when you talk to me and I try to suppress the butterfly-like feeling in my stomach. I just know that I never felt that way about anyone. You will never know how I feel and it's my own fault. It's been too long. You put your arm around me and joke around but you don't know what's going on inside my head. I don't know why it was you out of everyone I fell for. Was it your gorgeous, mesmerizing eyes? Your charisma? Or your kindness that made me swoon? I try to imagine someone else but no one comes to mind. I try to forget you but I can't. The tears won't stop so please I beg of you, relieve me of this pain. Take me out of my misery so I don't have to cry over you anymore. You mean so much to me but can't I ever say anything to you? Because of my fear of losing you in my life. The restlessness of not knowing if you will talk to me or not. You were a piece of my childhood. The one that made me feel content. You made me laugh randomly during a family dinner. The thought of you gave me joy but sadness too because I knew. I knew that you were just an impossible dream. It scares me how well you know me. Like there isn't anything I know about you. Everyone knows that I feel something for you except you. Everyone knows it's you and me. But I know that it will never be we. But I know in my gut, you feel something for me too. Because when I look at you, you look back. I can tell when you can't make eye contact with me and compliment me even when I am wearing a pair of sweats. It's the way you act dumb so I could help you out which is ironic because you are one of the smartest people I know. Even in a party, I know you are stealing glances of me. I know that the day pigs fly will be the day you tell me you feel the same. Je Vais t'attendre.
