Guarded

23

“I have nothing to wear.”

I peered out into the bedroom and he was right. His dark jeans and white t-shirt and grey hoodie would not go very well for the viewing today.

“Fuck, okay. Give me a few minutes. What’s the time?”

“Quarter after 8,” he said.

I hurriedly ran the flat iron through my hair and rushed Harry out the door in his old clothes. Lizzy was set to pick me up and she was outside waiting when Harry and I stepped out into the street. The police car was still parked outside the house and I wondered if it was the same officer as before.

I had Lizzy stop at any store that was open to get Harry something to wear before we met up with the rest of my cast members at a small diner right outside of Studio City. They greeted me with hugs and kisses – exclaiming over the story of my kidnapping and asking for details. I shrugged it off, asking to focus on Cost for now. I felt weird having Harry with me, but they had seen the tabloids so they knew we had been seeing each other.

Once the waitress took our order, Bethany and Celeste turned to Harry and asked him all about their tour and told him what big fans they were. Lourdes squeezed Tyler’s arm and reassured him it was okay for them to be acting like fan-girls since we were all celebrities. I drifted out of the conversation, focusing on mentally preparing myself for the rest of the day.

Our food arrived a little while later and I pushed the French toast around on my plate wondering why I had ordered anything. The coffee I drank wasn’t settling in my stomach very well and I chalked it up to the anxiety I had been feeling the whole morning. Harry must of noticed because he stole a piece of French toast off my plate and I hadn’t even realized until I saw him reaching for the other.

“What? It’s not like you were going to eat it anyway,” he said when I met his eyes.

I glanced over at Lizzy who seemed to be in the same predicament as me, barely able to touch her food while the rest of the group had wolfed down their meals in no time. It was understandable, I suppose. Even though we were a tight-knit cast, Cost’s death didn’t affect them as deeply as it seemed to affect Lizzy and I.

After the check was paid by Harry and after his insistence, we got back into our cars and drove through Los Angeles until we reached Kelly Funeral Home for the viewing. I checked the time on my phone before getting out of the car. It was 10:45. I noticed the crowd of paparazzi standing around the entrance. I shrugged them off as we entered the building and tried to breathe deeply once more before setting foot inside.

The crowd inside already was overwhelming and within a half hour there was a line outside of the door with people waiting to pay their respects. Cost’s parents had asked me to stand in the receiving line with them and I stood by them as hundreds of faces passed by me, offering condolences.

There was no coffin set up since the coroner’s office still had the body and it would be transferred once the murder case was finished. They decided to have him cremated and cancelled the funeral for tomorrow since they were still unable to bury their son until the case was officially closed. There would still be a small memorial tomorrow for close family and friends, but at a later date.