Chocolate Boy

My heart flutters. My breath comes jagged, stilted by the throbbing in my throat, and my vision is blurred by the dust and muted light. My eyes are drawn wide. 

I remember to blink.

The silence hangs thick in the air. I'm all alone, save for the thoughts that beat at my brain. Save for the shadows hanging over me.

I remember to breathe. 

I place my pen down on a fresh sheet of paper and begin to write, my loopy handwriting snaking across the page in keen, rich, scarlet ink.

I remember him.

~~~

Chocolate eyes,

chocolate hair,

chocolate skin,

and chocolate cares.

Your saccharine,

sticky sentiments,

they bled me dry.

I bit your lips.

I poured all of me into you.

That final night,

the moon was new.

It waned away,

just like our time together.

Gone now, are the chocolate days.

Gone now, are your sugared ways.

Now candied, frail with melancholy

beats my bled-dry-heart.

My blood is poisoned,

eyes sunk deep,

your sugar plagues me in my sleep.

I dream of you,

the slice of moon,

the blood,

the rush,

young afternoons.

I see you,

sticky on her lips.

In my mind's eye

dart chocolate wisps.

 Alighting on the tip of my tongue,

I taste your bitter words.

My sugar boy,

so sickly sweet,

with chocolate mind,

and chocolate feet,

I love you,

and I miss you,

and I'm melting into you.

~~~

I pull out a single, empty envelope from the drawer in my desk and hold it up to the thin light.

I consider it.

Then I realize my hand is trembling, and I feel the wet run down my cheeks.

I wonder.

At last, it dawns on me, and envelope feels suddenly heavy.

If he loved me, he would have looked me

in my filmy eyes

that night.