To the only boy I've ever loved before

The only boy I've loved before

    Dear ex-boyfriend, dear best friend, dear crush,

    It's been months since we broke up at this point. We're still friends, best friends. I still see you in the hall everyday and smile.

    When you broke up with me you said you still loved me. You said you had to figure your own stuff out. I never tried to fight it. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. You got rid of all your pictures of me within a couple days. I never got rid of mine.

    I was the person who never believed in love.. then I met you. I thought it was something that only existed in book or movies. You're smile made the sun shine brighter than it ever had. You're laugh made me look at you and think 'how the hell did this happen. How did I find someone so...perfect'. Every word you spoke made me fall in love with you more and more. I understood what it meant when people said you can't explain love.

    You said you didn't know when you stopped feeling that way about me. You said it just sort of happened... I told you I agreed. What I never told you was that I never stopped. I never told you that I still miss you. I miss all of the movie nights we spent together. All the times I fell asleep in your arms. You never stopped making the sun shine.

    I lay in my bed at night and wonder what I did wrong. I lay there and think what would things be like if you didn't do what you did?

    I remember that morning like it were yesterday. We hadn't seen each other in what felt like decades so we planned to meet up, it was just a walk. You always woke up early and I always woke up late so when you texted me to meet up I had just woken up. I got ready in minutes and was out the door. I was so excited to see you.

     I remember how I hugged you, how tight you held onto me. I remember your voice shaking when you tried to explain it. I remember being silent so I wouldn't cry. I didn't want to cry in front of you. You walked me home and hugged me tighter than the first time. I went inside and let myself cry.

    Everyday I want to ask if you miss me, if you still love me. Everyday I want to tell you how I feel. I want to tell you everything. I would tell you how you're still the first thing I think of in the morning, how you're the last thing I think of at night. When I need someone to talk to I still want to run into your arms for safety. I would tell you how I am still madly, unexplainably in love with you.

    Yours Truly, the only girl you've loved before.