Radical Fucked Up Love

The First Sign

Tuesday June Twelfth 2018. 6:45 a.m. Sophomore year.
Ben had texted me that morning telling me to have fun on our class trip. I responded with a short "You too! Love u! Text me if you need anything! <3" I then put down my phone and continued my morning routine before school by curling my brown hair and finishing off my makeup with a light peachy blush, winged eyeliner, and matte red lipstick. I put on a black tattoo choker and looked at myself in the mirror admiring my outfit. A white tee shirt with a pocket and rolled up sleeves, tucked into high waisted denim shorts, and black converse with an alien stitched on the side.
I grabbed my book bag and rushed downstairs to make myself an ice coffee to wake me up. I poured some vanilla almond milk into the drink to give it more flavor. I then picked up the cup, said my goodbyes, and went on my way. I walked a short while by myself before meeting up with my best friend Liz.
"Heyyyy Nikki! What's up?" Liz said with a bobby pin in her mouth while messily pulling strands of her curly hair into a ponytail.
"Not much," I replied laughing. "Need help?"
She just nodded and I started to pull her hair to the back of her head where I then secured it with a hair tie.
"How in gods name are you so good at that?" She asked while taking her phone out of her back pocket and turning on the camera to get a better look at herself. I simply laughed and shook my head. We spent the rest of the walk fantasizing over fall out boy and panic at the disco. I remember complimenting her on her outfit. She had been wearing denim shorts and a black tee shirt with a red and black flannel tied around her waist. And she had also been wearing black converse.
We arrived at school and met up with our other friends Jake, Tyler, Lauren, Tim, and Grace. We all messed around like friends do. Telling jokes making fun of each other and rough housing around.
The bell rang and we all went to our classes and then proceeded to make our way down to the auditorium to meet up with our groups for the trip which simply meant reuniting with all my friends. I was new to the group of friends so we all exchanged numbers and made a group chat. "Help 0.5" Liz, Jake, and I decided to sit together on the bus. We got on and started to play a game we liked to call "Sexual Anxiety".
Basically you whisper a question in the persons ear. They answer with a person in the friend group. They say the answer out loud for everyone to hear. Then you flip a coin and if it's heads you tell everyone the question. If it's tails you don't say the question and move on. We went on playing this until we got to the park.
The trip went by like normal. We went on rides fucked around and ate way too much ice cream. But as the day went along I realized something. Throughout the whole day all I could think about was Jake. I remember him trying to win me a giant stuffed pikachu and buying me m&ms and letting me wear his cheap cape that Tim dared him to buy. At certain points I caught myself dreaming about what a relationship with him would be like. I totally forgot about Ben completely. We got back to school and I said bye to my group of friends and went on my way.
Ben texted me later that night. "Hey I missed you today. Hope we can hang out more soon. Love u good night!"
I looked at my phone and sighed still thinking about Jake. "Yea me too. Love u too."
And with that I shut my phone off and laid in my bed staring at the ceiling and pretending that Jake was there next to me.