Broken Strings || Niall Horan [AU]

21 | moving on

"Would you like us to tell you any more details?" The policeman in the armchair says quietly, leaning forward and looking directly at me. "Details regarding who the murderer is? His age? Name-?"

"You know what?" I interrupt, wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my jacket. "I don't want to know. I don't care anymore. He doesn't deserve a single second more of our time. Let him rot in prison for the rest of his life. Let him absolutely despise himself for what he did to our family, for what he did to my dad. Let the guilt rip him apart. But, as for me-" I get to my feet, feeling somewhat indignant. "-I'm done with this whole thing. Thank you for your time."

When I leave the room, I feel like I'm leaving it all behind; a huge boulder I've dragged around with me, a huge burden lifted off my chest. As a result, I feel light and weightless. I jog up the stairs two at the time, running into my room, ignoring the blood stains on the carpet. I reach over to grab the photograph of my father atop the chest of drawers, before falling back onto my bed. My smile is wide and genuine, the photograph pressed to my chest so Dad can hear my racing heartbeat. 

Justice has been served, I think, grinning. 

There's only one thing left to do, now. I have no excuses. I'm really doing it -- moving on, that is -- and to fully allow myself to do so, I must be honest with Niall. I have to tell him the truth. And I'm going to do so before the day is up, whether I like it or not. 

●

Niall climbs the staircase, while the wall to his right, adorned with framed family photographs, twists and contorts into a blurry mess beside him. He rubs his temples, clutching the wooden bannister until his knuckles turn white. It's all in his head, this erratic movement of the walls, brought on by a sickening feeling in both his stomach and his brain, and he knows this; nevertheless, he can't help but stumble on the final step, his sweaty grasp slipping helplessly from the wood and falling to his side. 

When he reaches her bedroom, and peers in through the crack in the doorway, the fear and guilt and trepidation briefly melts away. The walls stop moving and the world turns quiet. The discomfort is momentarily replaced by the emotions he always feels when he looks as her, which are now familiar: love and adoration and thankfulness. She's lying on her back atop her baby-blue duvet, the subtlest hint of a smile drawn across her pink lips, a photograph clutched to her chest and her chocolate-coloured hair fanned out around her head. Her eyes are closed, and she doesn't move when Niall enters the room. He looks at her for a moment, just taking her in. But then, as he steps closer, the floor creaks beneath his shoe and the nervousness returns, and he swiftly disappears back behind the door, quickly descending the staircase. Right now, he can't bear to face her. He just knows he'll say the wrong thing, act shifty and guilty, and she'll know he's hiding something. Something big.

He nearly told her, a week ago during their midnight picnic, when he divulged information on everything else. He nearly let The Big Secret spill out into the open. But at the last second, something stopped him, and he kept his mouth glued shut. He realised that he wanted more time with her before everything got ruined by the truth of his past; he wanted more time with her as his girlfriend before their precious relationship became hideously tarnished, as it most definitely would once she knew the truth. 

Now, he pokes his head round the living room door to find Anna's mum conversing quietly with the police. "I think I'm going to head home," Niall stammers when they all look up at him, falling silent as they do so. "I think... At a time like this... Anna deserves some time alone." 

"Okay, Niall," Anna's mum says, nodding in understanding. "I'll see you soon, love." 

Niall nods at her, gulping as he swallows away the thick lump in his throat. As he turns away, he tries his hardest to avoid eye-contact with the policemen, but to simultaneously remain nonchalant. It's a tricky task. "That's Anna's boyfriend," Niall hears Anna's mum tell the policemen as he leaves the room. "His name is Niall..."