The Monster Within

Sometimes I may wonder,
Late at night,
Who I am and who I will become.
Sometimes I may wonder,
Late at night, just before I sleep,
The things that happened in my past.
The broken memories,
The shattering of my heart.
And every bitter-sweet memory.
Sometimes I wonder about the people that got left behind.
The way a smile lit up my world,
And the tearful goodbyes.
Tears turn to joy,
Love turns sour,
Mistrust trumps all.

Sometimes,
Late at night,
The monsters come out to fight,
Eating away at the light.
They scurry,
They gnaw and bite,
Ripping away at what is right.
Sometimes,
I let the monsters win.
Often I find myself wishing I wasn't me,
Other times I find myself farthest from who I am.
I find my mind is a terrible place, where the monsters don't play fair,
And you're with your back in a corner.
Tossing and turning,
A battle is fought,
Between the light and the dark,
But in the end,
As the dawn rises,
And the day is greeted with a smile.
In the end,
It begins again.

Tell me,
Are you afraid of the monster under your bed?
How about the ones that dwell within your head?
How you lie awake,
Deep into the night.
Lost in thought,
Of all of those that have come to pass.
About that time you sat in a locker,
For hours upon end.
No one noticed how you where missing.
How you stand without voice,
To the ones you care about,
Who where sooner leave your side.
Are you afraid?
Of the monster that rips your heart to shreds,
With every lie told.
From a serpents tongue,
It delivers fatal wound.
Filling the heart full of poison,
And the mind full of false hope.
Do you remember?
All of the Lies that you've been told.
What do you have left to hold?
But a hope that has long since gone cold.
Oh! Remember? That time you waited, and waited, and waited,
For that date that never showed?
Not even a text?
What is wrong with you,
You can't even score a date.
Nevermind the waitresses caring words,
She was just doing her job, hoping you would leave.
Don't worry, you'll have better luck next time.
How about that time,
When she uttered "we need to talk."
How your knees buckled and your heart broke, into a thousand pieces. No? Well I do.
No need to cry, you're a man.
Get over yourself,
Other people have it worse than you.
You keep silent in a crowded room full of friends,
For fear that you are unwelcome.
You walk behind two friends down a narrow sidewalk,
Silent waiting to be included.
You stand naked in front of a mirror,
Ripping into every flaw.
Look at that,
You dont even have any muscle,
You need to eat more!
Bulk up, you're weak!
Its embarrassing.
No one likes a nerd,
You cant fix a computer,
Or write a program.
Nor can you design a building,
For math is like reading ancient sandscript to your feeble mind.
You cant travel to space to gaze upon the stars,
Your eyes are far to bad for them to take you.
So? you can create whole worlds in your mind,
No one cares.
No one will bother to pick up a book,
And read the words you wrote.
You are to afraid to even talk to a girl,
All your relationships fail.
Within the first month no less,
But who would like someone like you.
A four eyed, freak of nature.
You are nothing but a failure.
No one will notice when you leave.
You. Are. Nothing.

Sometimes I may wonder,
Why I still care,
Sometimes,
I don't even bother.
My mind is torment,
My heart lies broken, untrusting.
Monsters run wild,
Ripping away at everything in sight.
Tossing, turning,
Everything burning.
Somewhere deep inside,
I reside, set apart.
Ever caring,
Never demanding.
Sometimes,
Late at night,
When the monsters run the show
And I'm down below,
Hoping she won't go.
Sometimes I may wonder,
After the dawn,
If I will awake.
Sometimes I may wonder,
After the dawn,
If it's even me at all
Or if it's the Monster inside.
Sometimes,
I'm not even sure.

Good morning,
You have survived yet another night.
But why must you fight?
It is all pointless,
You will never be good enough.
You dont need to get up,
This bed is nice and soft.
Oh fine,
If you must.
Just let me sit upon your shoulders,
And watch as you fail,
Like you always do.
I will cling to you like your shadow,
Always at your heels,
Even with a smile painted on.
Do you think they'll notice?
If you just walk away,
They arent even paying attention,
You should just leave.
Leave and just never return.
You dont need friends,
You have me.
Why do you insist on believing that lie,
They will never stay with you.
You have nothing going for you,
You sit and you sulk,
And watch the world drift by.
You just need to die,
Oh yes,
They'll greive.
But only for a few days,
To be polite.
Just keep that smile plastered to your face,
Its our little secret after all.
A joke, and a laugh,
And an 'Im Fine'.
That should suffice.
They already know that you are nothing but a failure,
They wouldn't care.
I wrap around every hope and dream,
And crush them to dust.
You're just going to fail,
You will never make anything out of yourself.
I sit upon your shoulders,
Letting the weight of all your failures,
Crush you like 10,000 trucks.
Night has come at last,
Lay down, in that big comfy bed,
That feels much too empty.
That space will never be filled,
Just remember all those who left.
They said such pretty things,
That all turned into a lie.
If you where all of those things,
Then why did they walk away.
Without even looking back,
You arent even worth their time.
Look!
They have already found someone else.
The One isn't out there for you,
Why should you have someone?
You are nothing.
They wont ever stay.
That space will never be filled,
You are always going to be alone.
Dont bother,
Talking to that pretty girl,
You know that you have no chance. She will just leave like all the rest.
You are alone here.
You are nothing to everyone.
No one will miss you.
You are,
Nothing...

here you lie,
In the depth of another sleepless night.
What is wrong with you?
welcome to another sleepless night,
dwelling upon the past with sour regret.
no matter how bright your future seems,
You know you are destined to be alone.
You try and try but your heart has gone cold.
but it's okay,
We are here, and we can keep you company.
You lie here in the depth of darkness unable to sleep.
Tell me,
Do you fear the Monsters yet?
As you lie tossing and turning,
deep into another restless night.
Your chest being crushed by the weight of failure and regret.
Remember that time you thought you found The One?
Only to watch as she walked away,
It's okay I'll keep reminding you,
As you lie alone in the dark.
You must have done something wrong,
like you always do.
But what does it matter?
No one really cares.
Now you stand thousands of miles away from home,
Feeling lost and alone.
But tell us, did you ever really feel at home?
Ignore the 12 hour delay,
It only matters your friends never replied.
Now here you are,
Alone in a country that you dont understand.
Tell us, where is your Home now?
Home is where the heart is after all,
It lies scattered between those who left you behind.
Love is as forgien to you as the country in which you reside,
Its language long since lost to time.
You're in the Military now,
Dont dare tell anyone about us or else you risk disqualification.
Its our little secret after all,
A smile, and an "Im Fine." always suffices,
After all life is about sacrifices.
You dont want to fail,
Like you know you will.
But dont worry,
We will keep reminding you.
Even now you walk alone on a crowded sidewalk,
Fearing you are unwelcome.
You cant leave the confines of your room,
And explore the country that surrounds you for fear.
For fear of what?
For fear of being judged for what you cant understand.
Check your uniform,
Make sure its perfect,
Even though someone will point out every flaw.
Such a fucking disgrace,
You arent good enough to wear that uniform.
Dont worry when they find us,
You will have lost everything.
The last vestage of hope, that you desperately try to cling to,
In hopes to save you from from your own pathetic existance.
But we knew you would always be what you are:
A failure.
Your friends back home dont miss you,
You are alone here,
Unable to speak to people,
For the judgement in their eyes is to much for you to bare.
Its just you and the Monsters Within.
Tell us,
Do you fear whats under your bed,
As much as you fear whats in your head?
We are the monsters that dwell within your head,
We will remain long after your dead.

Are you afraid of the monsters yet?
As you stand empty without hope,
without a clue on how to cope.
We feed upon your weakness,
dragging you down into the darkness in which light will never reach.
This is where you belong,
no one cares about what you think.
why bother trying to laugh it off,
just remain silent no one cares about your problems.
no one noticed you missing,
youre thousands of miles from home,
yet,
no one bothers to say hi,
or reply to your message.
you stand alone.
you dont BELONG.
you never did.
just give up, no one wants you,
yet you still try.
dont you get youre replaceable.
we are the Monsters in your head,
dont worry we will win,
youre all out of hope,
grasping at straws trying to gain an upper hand you may never get.
dont worry we will win,
your running out of time...

Sometimes I may wonder,
Where I belong and who I am to become.
But I still remain,
Refusing to believe the Monster Within.
Battle after battle,
My will remains strong.
My armor is dented and scarred,
I refuse to let them win.
With every word I write,
And every day that passes I will remain strong.
Sometimes I may wonder,
When it will end,
When I can be free of the Monster.
Other times I face the world with a smile and push them back,
Feeling the weight of the world upon my shoulders.
I may stumble and fall,
Sometimes I won't stand as tall.
In the end,
With each new dawn,
It will be me that rises with the morning sun.
I refuse to surrender,
I refuse to let the Monster win.
I can say,
I am no longer afraid of The Monster Within,
Can you?