Fingertips

Emotion

Dan

"I don't understand why you feel so anxious, little dude. It's only, oh I don't know, tenth time doing this."

A dramatic sigh from the driver. Dan watched the boy in the passenger seat twitch with nerves. He was driving his little brother, Connor, to another therapy appointment. It wasn't the first time Dan had driven him. But Connor didn't usually seem so anxious. Maybe he didn't pay enough attention to his little brother. Maybe he had just never noticed how he felt about these appointments. Who am I to him? Am I just that jerk of a brother that no one likes? Am I neglectful? Does he like that I don't pry? Is he going to be alright? Right as Dan's thoughts began to take over, Connor spoke up.

"I don't like her."

"What?" Dan replied in confusion, taken by surprise as his mind snapped back to the real world. He suppressed a groan. He didn't like getting into these conversations with his brother but he knew he needed to listen. "I don't like her Dan. She seemed nice in the beginning but...I don't know. Her advice just sucks, I guess."

Dan thought for a minute before saying anything more. "What makes you think that way?"

What happened this time? It was Connor's fourth therapist. The other ones just didn't seem to help. Secretly, Dan thought that Connor purposely didn't open up to them just so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone about what was going on. But he had to have help, otherwise the night terrors and depressed episodes would never end.

"I don't know. She just doesn't seem to get it. She doesn't seem to be like someone who's gone through anything like we have. All she ever tells me to do is write about what I'm feeling and do breathing exercises. She never tells me what's causing the weird dreams or the anxiety. She never explains anything. She just sits there with her damn clipboard and squints her eyes at me."

Connor tapped his fingers on the glove compartment with a pout on his face. He was getting into a rant and, to be frankly honest, Dan just didn't feel like listening to one today. Everything was a rant with his brother. Nothing seemed to go his way. He knew that everyone was still shaken up over the accident. But that didn't mean that Connor had the right to never shut his mouth.

Come on, Dan. Be the supportive big brother that he needs.

Dan didn't reply to Connor's miniature speech. He tried to with no luck. There was nothing he could say. He sat in silence the rest of the drive. As they pulled into the car lot of the therapist's office, Dan decided to ask one more thing. "Have you actually tried any of her advice?"

Connor looked down at his lap, twiddling his fingers and tapping his feet. "Well...not really. I just-I never remember to do any of it I guess."

Dan just nodded, watching his brother get out of the car. He waved, waited until his brother was in the building, then left. He had an hour until he had to be back there to pick the boy up.

He turned on the radio, flicking through the channels until he found some random channel that just so happened to be playing a Muse song. As he hummed along to the song, he let his mind wander.

Am I ever going to be okay?

It had been months since the....incident. But it was one of those things that made the whole "time heals wounds" idea seem just so stupid. Dan could remember the screams. He heard them in his dreams. It was an awful kind of sound. It was the kind of the sound that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and the ground around you shudder.

A little up the road, a boy in black jeans and dirty Vans slowly walked along the pavement. His head seemed to be in the clouds, but his feet stayed on the ground. The boy closed his bright blue eyes, which didn't match his personality that much, and he felt every emotion within him disappear. He didn't feel like trying anymore. It was pointless, really, to live in a city, a country, a world where the only place he felt he belonged was in the dark. Walking. Never going anywhere, never having a destination or purpose or hope. What did it matter anyways? It's not like he really had much of a family to stick around with. They never asked how his day was. They never took the time to make sure he ate everyday or slept at night or had any friends. They never tried to make sure he felt okay. So what did it really matter? Come on.

The boy stepped into the road, hearing a car coming up behind him. He didn't look back. He stopped and closed his eyes. He waited for a million years for that impact.

Dan wasn't paying attention to what was going on around him. His eyes were on the road but his vision was going back to that night. His eyes began to water, and he couldn't seem to shake the images in his head until he saw a black shape moving in front of him. His mind snapped back to the road in front of him and the first thing he saw was someone in the middle of the road. He slammed on the brakes and closed his eyes. His entire body clenched up, waiting for the thud that was sure to come. But it never happened.

A/N: Hey everyone! As I said in the description, this is my first fic/story in a long time. Hopefully it won't be too cringy. Forgive me if it is. I hope you enjoy, I'll try to be consistent with updating (hopefully about every 10 days). I may not follow a schedule in the beginning, as I'm currently moving. I appreciate any support. Thanks!!