Imagine walking down a footpath, on a warm, sunny day.
You feel warm on the outside.
But inside, your freezing.
Your vision becomes blurred, your mind starts to take over.
The things you're doing become routine, right foot, left foot, one cut, two cuts.
You start forgetting who you are,
And even though you KNOW there's people there for you, you can't help it.
And even though you KNOW that it's stupid, people say your over emotional.
But they don't understand, and the NEVER will.
That your brain is one third happiness and two thirds suffering.
That everyday is a battle for your sanity.
And even though they say "we love you" "your amazing" you look at those words and you don't see a meaning.
Your brains become numb and you do things without thinking.
And when you tell someone what do they say.. .?
That's stupid! Are you doing it for attention?
But they DONT UNDERSTAND that the pain on the inside, is worse than the pain on the outside.
That no amount of scrapes, cuts or broken bones will amount to the pain of a fighting mind.
And everyday, the voices in your head tell you your fat and ugly that no one would care,
If for some reason ,you disappeared.
Faded away, became invisible because the voices in YOUR head convinced you that YOU ARE NOTHING.
So you cry and then your mind goes blank, and you do things without meaning to.
You awake from the haze, your wrist full of scrapes, and scars of past cuts.
So your walking on this footpath your mind eating away at you. You can't tell anyone, for fear of being turned away, seen as over sensitive. So tell me, what would you do? If every person you trusted told you your stupid, over emotional, over sensitive, always in you head and never knowing of others feelings. Would you turn around and tell them how you feel? That every day is a blade placed to your chest and every waking hour is full of self hate and torture. That nothing you do is ever good enough for anyone! Or, would you do what I did? Just sit there for years on end, beating yourself up, tearing your mind to shreds, hoping that one day you'll wake up and it'll all just go away. Well news flash depression doesn't just go away! It's not something that can be remedied with a conversation or several therapy sessions! I am in pain! And it takes all my courage just to hold a smile on my face. So you tell me, what would you do?
