Love Is A Battlefield

1. "Why didn't he come to me?"

Date of first publication: May 29th, 2024

I haven't written anything for a long time, but AsLaz has me going crazy, so here is something to get them out of my mind.<br />
I am writing without a Beta.<br />
This is Canon AU.<br />
We are changing the storyline at Episode 16.<br />
Both my Alaz and Asi are slightly OOC, so be aware.<br />
Mature scenes included, so if you are a minor stay away. :P

<p>"Doctor, see you next year."
Yaman was grinning stupidly at his newfound father. He was aware that with every new person that came into his life everything just got more and more complicated, but the doctor was a good man, that was something he knew for sure and that gave him a little bit of calm in this storm that was his new life.<br />
At least he had a solid compass in this storm, he thought looking at Rüya as he smiled. When she smiled back a sense of rightness settled within him. The doctor was rolling his eyes at Yaman's lame joke, when Cesur came to their table and questioned where they were going, as they were about to leave.<br />
"To Ece," he simply said. For him there was nothing else he needed to say. Ece was pure and innocent in all this upheaval and Umut lived within her, she was precious to him as more than just his sister. Cesur acknowledged his answer but couldn't hold back on saying, "It's fine you're going, but why are you the only one on Ece duty on New Year's Eve. Why is Alaz free to roam around?"<br />
That name got Asi's attention, everything about Alaz got her attention lately, too much actually. It bothered her that that stupid boy came to mean something to her.<br />
"What about Alaz, what do you mean?" she asked, trying not to make her curiosity too obvious. "Alaz was here, didn't you guys see him?" Cesur had a bad conscience for selling Alaz those pills. That idiot took all of them at once. If the others caught him around, then he would at least know that he was not lying in some ditch, dying.<br />
"Totally off his rocker, I saw him outside." Asi saw Yamans face turn sour and off he went towards the exit and all the others after him calling his name. She took another sip of her plastic cup and finished her Champagne she had liked the taste of this one. It was heaps better than that awful moonshine she could get around here. She wondered if she was getting a little too used to drinking, she hoped not, but total abstinence was not in her future she knew that. No matter what Yaman said, she was not a child anymore and he was not her keeper. She started following the others. They collectively reached the gate of 'The Bottom of Hell' and everyone nervously looked around.<br />
"So, where is he?" Yaman asked.<br />
"How would I know, man. He was around." Cesur answered, maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to alert the others to Alaz' presence. Yaman looked like he would instantly beat him up as soon as he saw him.<br />
"Why didn't he come to me?" Asi thought she didn't say it that loudly, but she had been miffed. Usually when Alaz was around this neighborhood he found her, up until now she hadn't been aware of how much she actually wanted to see him, but she hadn't been silent enough.<br />
"Why would he come to you?" Yaman was confused, what was Asi hinting at.<br />
"To see me, for example," like hell she was not used to censoring herself or stepping back, she wouldn't start now. Full throttle ahead was Asi's way, but she didn't want to start a fight, while everyone was looking at her curiously.<br />
"Ha, just what we needed," sarcasm was dripping from Yaman's tone. Whatever this thing was that Asi was implying, he didn't like it, he didn't like it one bit. Rüya tried to break the tension by reminding him that they needed to leave, but Yaman would not be going without giving Asi a piece of his mind.<br />
"Wait a minute, wait a minute. What are you saying, girl. Was that a joke?"<br />
Asi saw that he was getting very annoyed, even angry. Fuck no, she wouldn't tell the truth, but lying was not in her nature, not to Yaman. At least she wouldn't outright lie to him.<br />
"Happy New Year, that's what I'm saying," she simply replied.<br />
"Don't you start with the word games," Yaman was furious now. Cesur had been watching the exchange silently trying to understand what was going on, until he exclaimed: "What was that, are you being funny, were we supposed to laugh at that, or what?"<br />
Asi had enough, and now Cesur was holding her and pulling her around.<br />
"Why don't we laugh at me this year, Mister Cesur," she threw at him with annoyance.<br />
"Are you drunk?" he answered dryly.<br />
"Let's go" Rüya said to Yaman and pulled him back inside. He let himself be dragged towards his father and they started talking, but Asi didn't pay attention to them anymore. She looked around bored and wanted to get away from Cesur.<br />
"I'm going," she said as she started to step away into the dark street. "Asi, it's not even midnight yet," Cesur called after her, but she didn't listen.<br />
"Fuck off, Cesur, leave me alone" she yelled back. She didn't want to be around them anymore tonight. Yaman was still talking to his father, when Asi saw his car. Alaz sitting inside it, in the distance not too far off, but barely visible. So he really was here. She glanced back, but the others had gone inside the gate already and hadn't seen him at all.<br />
She rushed towards Alaz' car and got on the passenger seat hurriedly, he barely seemed to register her presence.<br />
"Alaz, come on you can't stay here, let's go," she urged. She was exited to finally be doing something tonight. Alaz looked at her without saying anything his eyes had huge purple bruises under them and his gaze was half-lidded. He started the car and turned on the street.<br />
"Alaz, drive to my house. You shouldn't be driving at all, you're drunk." Asi had only just realized how far gone he was, he seemed only half conscious and hadn't even said a word yet. Fortunately the house was not far away, and Alaz just followed her directives, he seemed to run on autopilot.<br />
Colors kept bursting in front of his eyes; sounds were either to loud or seemed to come from very deep. Those pills had fucked him up real good, he felt like sharp edges around softness or was it the other way around, he couldn't seem to hold on to a thought.<br />
He looked at the girl next to him after he had parked the car. He didn't know where he was, he had just followed the commands of that angelic voice. Asi....<br />
It was Asi. Asi was sitting next to him, no she wasn't, where did she go, his door opened suddenly and he looked up to see her, there she was, he smiled or he tried to.<br />
He had watched Abisi have fun all night. He had ruined his life and got off without a mark. Perfect Yaman Ali. He was the one getting punched by him, slapped by his grandfather, unloved by his mother, even Ece, asked for him. He was not enough for anyone. His mind was turning in dark places.<br />
Asi was still watching him. 'But I could have her' his high brain whispered. She looked so ethereal against the yellow halo of the dim street lanterns, so beautiful like the light was actually coming from her, she was paralyzing in her beauty and he wanted her.<br />
She helped Alaz get out of the car. Asi had to reach back inside to get the keys out of the ignition. Somehow she directed Alaz' body towards the door, he really needed to sleep this off or get clear another way. Dragging his feet he was just watching her instead of his steps. It was not helping at all. He still hadn't said a word. Asi was questioning herself on why she was helping him. It was obvious he needed it, but why did she feel obliged to help.<br />
There was something between them, something she couldn't or wouldn't put a name to, a silent agreement between two people. Who seemed to see each other and read each other, when others just overlooked them, she remembered how he helped her after Umut's funeral, how he was the only one who came after her and gave her a way out of her emotional rollercoaster. Kissing him had felt so right that moment until he stopped her. It was good he stopped them, she didn't have the wherewithal to hold back. She would have gone all the way right on that stage. He was right she would have regretted that, the way it happened, but thinking back she knew she wouldn't have regretted him, the right person at the wrong time. Now it seemed that it was the wrong time again, she was frustrated.<br />
Somehow she had managed to get his uncooperative ass into the house and unto the couch after helping him take his jacket off. She bent down to get his shoes off. This was her home she had her rules, too. No street shoes inside. It didn't matter that this rickety old house was half rundown and two steps away from collapse. It was the best roof she ever had had over her head in her entire life, it meant something to her.<br />
Alaz still hadn't said a word, when Asi sat down next to him, he was staring into space like there was something to see instead of the emptiness of the room.<br />
"Alaz look at me," she said slowly. He turned his head, just following commands. She studied his face, slowly wandering from his chin to his eyes. Deep purple shadows under his eyes, a colorful bruise on his jaw from being punched, probably Yaman she thought. One cheek was slightly redder than the other and it seemed like there were fingerprints there. Did someone slap him? She couldn't imagine who. Not Yaman, he was a fist to the face guy, not a slap guy. His irises were bloodshot and his pupils were grossly dilated. She frowned he didn't look just drunk, he looked absolutely shitfaced. She remembered that initial meeting he had had with Yaman. Yaman later told them, that Alaz had been high on pills on that night. Had he taken drugs again?<br />
"Alaz look at me, look at me. What did you take? Tell me." She demanded not leaving room for arguments in her stern voice. He snickered.<br />
"I can't tell you Asi Kız, I promised Cesur not to tell anyone if he gave me those pills." Alaz continued to snicker. How funny it was that Asi was sitting here next to him, or was it funny that he was sitting next to her. This must be her house he thought, he hadn't realized until now, how did he come here anyway. Everything was confusing and suddenly he became aware of the pain and blood on his hand. How did that happen again? He moaned painfully looking at his hand.<br />
Asi had frozen and stopped breathing for a second. Did he say Cesur gave him pills? She had had her doubts about Cesur, he had been acting suspiciously but she had chosen to given him the benefit of the doubt. 'Asshole' she thought, how many times had he lied to her, looked her in the eyes and lied to her face about this great job he found. She was fuming, Cesur really had some explanation to make. She did hope they would be good, but that could wait. She heard Alaz' painful moan and put her concentration back to him. Alaz was looking at his and it was full of blood. How had she not seen it before, he was injured.<br />
"What happened to your hand?" she exclaimed. "Give me your hand, I'll look at it," she found some first aid materials in one of the drawers and cleaned his hand it was a cut, but not too deep. One of the big band-aids would be enough. She looked into his eyes again.<br />
"Is it better now?" she asked softly. He just grumbled positively and nodded his head, fixing his gaze on her face. It didn't look like he was any clearer in his head. Asi thought about what she could do. Could she just let him sleep it off here, but what if Yaman or Cesur came back tonight and found him here. She had to at least try to sober him up a little.<br />
"Come on, you're going to take a bath," she said determinedly. "Asi..?" he blinked uncomprehendingly. What was she saying, a bath, where? He looked around like a shower would magically appear in the room. "Get moving Alaz we don't have all night."<br />
He slowly stood up from his position and followed Asi with staggering steps. The little bathroom looked even more miserable than the rest of the house. He did a turn in the tiny room looking for the shower or at least a showerhead. How was he supposed to wash in here? "Take your clothes off." Asi was being matter of fact. She tried to be efficient and calm, but inside she was boiling. Her priority had to be to get him to sober up, not anything else, she did have to try not to look in his direction as she filled the bucket with the tepid water, she put the heating iron inside it to get it to a more acceptable temperature. Alaz had taken off his sweater; at least he had tried to, but failed to get it over his head. She laughed silently at the ridiculous image in front of her. He was absolutely helpless. Suddenly she felt sad at this situation, what happened that he had felt the need to take drugs to the point he turned into this helpless infant self. She helped him get the sweater off.<br />
His hands were trying to distract him, they just wouldn't cooperate. He couldn't grasp the cord in front of his pants. Maybe he could bite it off. He tried to bend down enough to reach it when he heard another snicker.<br />
"Asi my hands don't listen," he was frustrated and his voice was dangerously close to a whine. Alaz Soysalan did not whine.<br />
Despite her sadness Asi was a little relieved to see him this helpless, she snickered. Otherwise she wouldn't have been able to concentrate as he was half naked in front of her. She knew the male body, of course. Living with three boys was not exactly a delicate living situation, but seeing Alaz like this was different. She felt herself flush, this was a new feeling. This was a feeling that had entirely started to exist with Alaz and only seemed to happen with him. It was ridiculous how much he affected her, but at least this made her realize that whatever she had felt for Yaman was nothing that had anything to do with desire. Desire was Alaz and only him. She helped him take his pants off and directed him to the little stool while letting out a loud sigh. Touching him even this innocently was throwing her off balance. "Sit down and keep your boxers on," she hurriedly said, he had almost taken them off, too.<br />
"Asi Kız where is the shower?" his confused gaze turned back towards her. "It does not exist, Alaz Oğlan," she said. "But where will the water come from?" he continued like a little kid. Asi smiled and told herself to be understanding as she showed him the cup in her hand, shaking it instead of giving an answer, she chuckled.<br />
"Let's get this over with, no need to try to keep your hand dry, I will change the band-aid later," she told him. Taking the iron out of the bucket, she cupped the now acceptably tempered water gently over his head. She had done this for Çağla, too. That girl had been in shock and full of blood. This was different. Taking a little shampoo into her hand she soaped up his hair, maybe they could get his alcohol stench out, too, besides waking him up, a win-win situation. That first chuck of water had been a little unexpected for Alaz, his brain was going into overdrive and her hands in his hair were not helping. His eyes had opened up a little more. He looked up at Asi, who was trying to not meet his now alert gaze and was absolutely red in the face.<br />
"Okay Asi, I can do the rest on my own," he said calmly as he was much more alert. He didn't want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was.<br />
"I ... I will... I can... I will bring you a towel," she stuttered hurriedly leaving him alone. His alert eyes that seemed to look right into her and his state of undress had her running. Her heart was beating like crazy.<br />
Alaz shoveled water over his head and rinsed off, shaking his head, he was aware of colors still popping in front of his eyes, but the worst seemed to be over. He was getting hyper alert to every nerve ending and he felt every drop of water running down his body individually in minute detail. He would not be able to sleep right away he knew this stage of the pills. It happened like that before. He vaguely remembered that he had snitched on Cesur to Asi. He shrugged all the same to him. He didn't give a flying fuck about that idiot he had it coming.<br />
He took off his underwear and wondered what he was supposed to do with this wet thing. He looked around helplessly when there was a knock on the door and Asi timidly was sticking in just a hand with an almost threadbare towel in it. He was tempted to just pull her inside and kiss her until they both couldn't breathe anymore, he remembered her taste all too well, but he refrained, there was no need to rush. He smiled and took the towel from her hand which disappeared immediately. His smile widened.<br />
"Thank you Asi Kız," he loudly said to the door and heard her feet scattering off. Silly girl, how could she be so bold and so timid at the same time. She was a paradox that he didn't understand, but he wanted to.<br />
After toweling off he put on his dry clothes and left the wet boxers in the corner, they could just go into the bin for all he cared. His face in the mirror did look more awake, but he couldn't deny that he still looked awfully inebriated. Well, he couldn't help that, he thought as he was still drying his hair on the way into the living room. He trembled slightly, the house was cold and especially after the humidity of the bathroom, he felt the cold even more.<br />
"Asi Kız," he called out, when he couldn't see her immediately. She peeked her head out of what seemed to be the kitchen.<br />
"Go sit down," she just said. Alaz listened to her, while still toweling his hair. He felt so much better, that he gave out a big sigh while sitting down. Asi came through the door and watched him. He did look better, more alert but not entirely sober. She turned back to the kitchen to get another band aid for his hand. As she sat down next to him she gave him an energy-drink. She hated that smelly stuff, but Cesur couldn't seem to get enough of it lately and Alaz needed something to clear his head a little more and they didn't have any coffee left. Asi reached out for his injured hand after he had opened the can and changed the soggy band-aid as he finished the drink.<br />
"Thank you," Alaz said simply.<br />
"Come on; let me drive you home, you can't stay here. Cesur will probably come later, maybe even Yaman." she just stated the facts.<br />
"I didn't know you had a license," Alaz said, trying to change the topic.<br />
"I don't," Asi said with a smirk. "Come on, get moving."<br />
"I don't want to go back to that house," he said silently.<br />
Asi looked at his face, turned down and defeated. She wanted to ask him why. Why don't you want to go back? At least he had a home he could go back to, but she stayed silent giving him room if he wanted to elaborate on his own terms.<br />
Suddenly he stood up and started pacing. "First thing Ece asked when she came back home was 'Where is Yaman?' he didn't even visit her after surgery. I know this is a difficult issue, for him and for you, too. Asi you called her at least, what more could you do. He could have at least visited once, running around like he is the best big brother anyone could ask for," his voice sounded close to tears. "My parents are getting divorced, I am loosing the only parent that cared for me, my father left the house, because of Yaman. Yaman and his father, the family my mother actually wanted. Her dream come true, and we are just baggage" Asi was confused, what did Yaman have to do with his parents divorce. "She never loved him," he continued. "He was just convenient. Why would she even bring us into this world Asi?" Alaz sat down next to her again, looking at her with tear filled eyes.<br />
"My father was never her first choice, just like I will never be her first choice. She will always choose Yaman, because she's in love with his father, that stupid doctor. I can't win, whatever I do, no matter how much I try, she will never look at me like she looks at Yaman, I can't beat him. I lost before I was even born."<br />
Asi threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close, his arms automatically found her waist and he pulled her even more into his body. He looked and sounded just like a little boy, teary eyed and sad just wanting his mother to love him. She pulled to watch his face.<br />
"This is not a race Alaz," she said calmly. "Look, I don't know what it's like to have a mother, but I always imagined what it would be like," she continued with a sad smile. Remembering herself as a little girl as she watched the happy families while she hid in the shadows of the streets. Always watching from afar, always yearning for that warmth she imagined a mothers hug held. Alaz was still holding onto her trembling slightly.<br />
"I thought that mothers should always love their children unconditionally. I am not telling you that your feelings are incorrect or that you are wrong to feel that way, but there is something I realized. Mothers are also fallible, otherwise how could I land on the streets. They are human. Humans make mistakes or they can be biased, they can think they do the best they can and it still is not good enough. Everyone makes mistakes. I can never forgive the people who left me to fend for myself, because there are wrongs that are unforgiveable, but all the other stuff it can be worked on. Alaz I know your mother loves you, I think you can work on this, maybe not tonight or next month, but don't lose hope." She caressed his cheek as he looked at her like she held all the answer to the questions in his mind.<br />
How could this girl who had never known a mother be so understanding? He wanted to melt into her touch and let her heal all his wounds. Asi could save him. For the first time in his life he actually wanted to be saved.<br />
Asi had spilled all her own feelings and misgivings into her little speech, she truly hoped that it would help him. Alaz was just a wounded child lashing out, crying for his mothers' love, that he had lost together with his brother. He did love his brother he just didn't want to admit it, she thought. She had been in his place until she realized that her birth mother was not worth her tears. Whatever her conditions had been there must have been a better way than to leave a child on the streets to die. For herself she was at peace with her life, she lived and she would thrive and she would continue to even better places, she had promised herself. But Alaz and his mother didn't have unsolvable chasms between them in her opinion. They just had to work on it. Easier said than done was her immediate thought as she continued to caress his face.<br />
"She does love you, maybe not as much as you want or need, but you can work on it."<br />
Alaz watched her intense eyes and wanted to believe what she said so much.<br />
"But it hurts so bad, Asi" he said in a small voice as tears spilled out of his eyes.<br />
"I know," Asi said and kissed him. Feather light she let her lips touch his lips, a kiss of understanding and of comfort, as she pulled back they kept their eyes closed and their foreheads kept leaning on each other as their breaths mingled. Alaz grabbed her waist harder and smashed their lips together again. This kiss was wild and bruising as their moved their lips in an exited frenzy. Asi climbed on his lap, she wanted to fuse their bodies together, she had been waiting for this since she had seen his car in the distance. They came apart as they needed to grasp for breath. Asi realized that they needed to leave, Cesur or Yaman could come through the door any minute.<br />
"Alaz you need to leave," she panted as her eyes burned into his hooded gaze. "The others could be here soon. Come on, I will take you home."<br />
Alaz knew she was right, but his mind suddenly was occupied by where he could go. He nodded his head, not trusting his voice just yet. She had said home, but he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to see anyone and most of all he thought about how he could get Asi to stay with him. He would not go home, but where could they go? He was still thinking while they put their jackets and shoes on and left the house.<br />
Just as Alaz wanted to open the car door, he realized that he didn't have his keys. As he started to frown Asi pulled him back by his jacket and opened the car and climbed into the drivers' seat herself. "Get moving Alaz," she simply said as she closed the door. He blinked a couple of times and shrugged. After he was seated, Asi drove off.<br />
She cleared her throat and asked a question that had occupied her mind. "Alaz, that kiss, will you even remember...?" she couldn't finish her sentence.<br />
"I would never forget anything about you, Asi Kız." His response was sharp and calm he needed to put her mind at ease. "My head is clear, Asi," he continued. He could still taste her on his lips, he definitely wouldn't forget anything.<br />
She took in a sharp breath and nodded her head once, pressing her lips together to mask the giant grin that wanted to take over.<br />
Silently they continued on their way. "Asi, I don't want to go back home tonight," he repeated in a small voice.<br />
"Okay, tell me where to then?" she wouldn't take him there if he didn't want to. He had a right to stay away; maybe the distance would help to clear up the issues that occupied his mind.<br />
His mind drifted to 'The Bottom of Hell' they couldn't go there, but he wanted to be close to the sea, wanted to see the waves as they lulled him to sleep, after... after. He felt his insides burning as he watched Asi.<br />
"The Beach House, it's closer than the mountain house or the horse farm and I really couldn't stand the busyness of my apartment. I really like the view, too." he smirked watching her. Her frown just deepened as he listed all the places and she let out an uncomfortable breath. He was sure she was swearing at him inside her head, but he was just watching her confidently steer the wheel, he wouldn't have guessed. Why did he assume she couldn't drive, he questioned himself? A street kid must have all kinds of skills he had to remind himself, he wondered if she had that knife in her pocket.<br />
With all his chaotic thoughts it hadn't been easy to type in the address into the navigation system, but he had managed. Thankfully the drive wasn't that long. He got comfortable in his position, his body half-turned towards Asi the side of his head leaned on the headrest as he watched her, instead of the landscape flashing by.</p>