Broken Strings || Niall Horan [AU]

20 | coffee date

Despite my best efforts to keep such thoughts at bay, I also think about what he told me last week, on the night of the Band Battle. If I wasn't so utterly engrossed in falling for him and enchanted by the incredible feeling of being his, I'd be concerned about the fact that he's opened up to me and in return, I still haven't done the same. But I am, so I'm not. After all, he's yet to mention it. Maybe it's because he knows deep down that I don't enjoy talking about my past. Or perhaps he's simply assumed that I have nothing to hide, that he already knows all there is to know. If that's the case, he couldn't be more wrong. 

I wish I could muster up the courage to tell him the truth -- both about Harry and I, and about how I came to stumble across his house that morning just five weeks ago -- but I simply can't bring myself to ruin the perfect little infinity we have as of right now. This past week has been the best of my life, so beautiful that I'd hate myself if I were to let anything taint it. And I know that the truth would do exactly that. Niall would be disgusted with me if I admitted to having slept with Harry; even though it happened years before I even knew Niall existed, it would still be a troubling thought to get out of his brain, one that would affect our relationship badly. And if I told him of how I was going to commit suicide that morning, he'd see me as what I was that day: dumb and cowardly and vulnerable. Since then, I've moved forward; I've become stronger than I've ever been, and I've been a lot happier, too. But if Niall were to find out about my once-strong wish for death, there's a chance he'd see me as what I was before I met him. He'd see me as someone who needs protecting, who would rather run and hide from their problems than face them-head on. Bottom line, he'd see me as weak. And if he, my favourite person in the world right now, saw me as that... well, the truth is, I don't want to be that person. I don't want that person to be a part of me. But if Niall knew that person, that girl I used to be, I wouldn't be able to escape her. I'd be stuck with her forever. 

As we hop on a bus and travel into town, our fingers still intertwined, thoughts of Niall and all I'm hiding from him surprisingly diminish, despite our current contact. They are replaced by thoughts of Cassidy. Once she enters my mind, I can't seem to get her out again. I still can't believe I'm seeing her today, after all these years; she only came back to Bournemouth two days ago, but she instantly texted me arranging to meet up. I told her I was busy with friends -- which was true, as all five boys and I spent the past two days at the beach, although that's not why I said it; I just didn't want her to think I was a complete loner -- and so I suggested meeting today instead. She jumped at the chance, excitedly replying lists containing names of various cafés and restaurants or movies that are showing at the local cinema to choose from. Eventually, we agreed on a simple coffee date; 2pm at Costa. I glance at the time on my phone; 1.56. I take a deep breath and stare out the window, watching quietly as the world rumbles past. 

We get off the bus just outside Costa, sunshine beating down on us. I quickly peer in through the large windows, ushering Niall out of view just in case Cassidy happens to look up and see us. Sure enough, there she is, facing us, long golden hair cascading beautifully down her chest, sipping on what appears to be a cappuccino. Thankfully, she's looking down at the phone in her perfectly-manicured hand. "Is that her?" Niall asks, glancing into the café before stepping back out of sight again. 

I nod, raking a hand through my hair, joining him just out of view. "That's her." Weirdly, I feel reluctant to tell him that; I guess a small, insecure part of me still believes that there's a chance of Niall getting a crush on her. 

"Okay, well, I'll see you in a bit," he says, pulling me towards him and briefly kissing me. I can feel his smile. "Have fun, okay?"

"I'll try," I say, this time being the one to initiate our kiss. It's doesn't last long, but there's something about kissing Niall that fills me with confidence, and when I pull away, I feel a whole lot better. We exchange grins and I turn away, pushing on the large door and stepping into the café.