I Killed Her. [Shirabu Kenjirou FF]

Chapter 4

I stayed quiet, clenching my knuckles that I think turned white from the pressure.

"Stop worrying! Yuzu-chan and whatever happened before doesnt matter now! I forgive you for what you did,"

... Did he just admit part of it was my fault? No no no, this is Yuu we're talking about, he's like Ushijima-san; very blunt.

"What I'm saying is that for everything that happened before has nothing to do with now! So forgive yourself!" His grin widened.

"Thats what Yuzu-chan would want, right?"

My eyes glossed as I held back tears. Damn you, Yuu.

"Now stop worrying! Yuzu-chan is watching us! Might as well give it our all, right??"

"Ossu!" I yelled out, grinning. Which apparently made my teammates back away.

Maybe my determined aura was a little too intimidating for my liking? I dont know.

But what I do know that for now, my guilt is gone. But the one problem about it is that, when the match ends, whether we win or lose.

That guilt is gonna attack me.

Maybe thats why I never tried to redeem myself? To forgive myself?

Because it never lasts? The pain always comes back. The guilt always comes back. It just washes over me whether I like it or not.

The whistle blew and the game resumed.

Lets just hope the guilt will appear after the match is over.

~♥~

We... Lost.

We actually lost.

"Goodbye my paradise..." I remember hearing Tendou-san mumble.

After that was mostly a blur, we were told to do a hundred serves by coach, some words were passed around but I didnt really pay attention to any of it.

I just wanted to finish those serves, buy those Camellia's and go to the cemetary with Yuu.

I forgot about most of it, including the award ceremony, the tears of joy Karasuno spilled, they cries of pride Karasuno's bleachers yelled out while our school's cheerleaders and bleachers sighed in defeat and disappointment.

Disappointed of us.

Ah, its back.

The guilt.

I clenched my teeth, holding back the urge to scream. This uncontrollable feeling of guilt and shame.

Knowing well aware that most of this was my fault.

If I had been able to set properly.

If I had been able to give more of a fight.

We would have won.

Even if we won, the guilt would still be there.

Once we were done with the serves and new captain new whatever stuff, we started scattering.

One by one we left the gym, I was one of the first.

"Shirabu, why are you in such a rush?" Soekawa-san asked.

"... I need to get some things done, that's all." I said then left the gym.

I started running, checking the time in the process.

'7:32 p.m.' it read.

The match started at 1:00 p.m., ended at aproximitly 2:30 p.m. The bus back to school took an hour, so it was around 3:30 p.m. when we got there.