The Real Ram

Chapter 4

"I know," I say softly. I guess me warming up to my group would be harder than I wanted it to be.

"Why'd you run away then? He feels really bad, and he's really sorry."

"I know."

Trish scoots towards me, "Can I ask you a question?" I nod my head and she turns to face me, "Why are you scared of him? Of Flame, of people? Why don't you speak up when you need to?"

I tense up and bring my knees closer into my chest than they already are. I don't like it when people ask personal questions. Why can't they leave me alone?

"Zoe, I consider you my friend. I want to get closer to you. So does Beast, and Shawn. But we can't unless you tell us what happened in your past."

I don't want to be closer. Closer means more pain in the long run. If I'm close to someone, then that means they know my past, and they can use it against me. I don't want close. "Can't we just leave the past in the past?"

"No, not this time. Please, just share and then we can lock it away once you're done."

"I'd really rather leave it locked away right now," I stand and start to walk to the door.

"Zoe, if it's something you are embarrassed about..."

I look back at her incredulously. What is she referring too?

"Whatever it is, we won't judge. We'll look at you the same," Trish stands, "Zoe please, we just want to help."

"Help?" I ask.

"Yes, you share your story, and we'll-"

"You'll help," I laugh, "What exactly can you do? There's nothing. You can't change the past, so just leave it." I say sharply, then immediately regret it. I've never spoken to someone like that, it's disrespectful. I start to apologize but Trish cuts me off.

"Zoe it's obviously not just the past," Trish stands. I look at her to continue, "You relive it constantly. Don't think I haven't noticed all the nightmares you've had every night. All of them end with you crying. Every time someone gets physically close to you, you tense up like they're going to hurt you." Trish moves to me, "Stop saying it's in the past, because you know it isn't."

I look away not wanting to talk anymore. Trish's words get harsher with every sentence. I know she just cares for me, but she's failing to realize I don't connect to care. It isn't an area I'm familiar with, and don't think I ever will be. I turn around again and continue to walk to the door.

"So that's it?" I stop, "I spill my guts to you and you can't even respond?"

Spilling your guts to me? Talking about your feelings towards me isn't close to telling the story of my freaking life, Trish. The insecurity levels aren't jumping distance, their different islands with miles in between. I move to open the door when it opens from the other side.

"Trish are you in here? Was Zo-" Beast rushes in and runs into me. I fall back and gasp. He hit my shoulder hard. "Zoe, I'm...crap...I'm sorry."

I get up and rush out. I hear him calling to me but I don't look back.

As the voices fade, my footsteps become the only thing I can hear other than my sniffling. Crying is not worth it. The sniffling just gets so annoying.

I wipe my blurry eyes and accidentally run into someone. I'm about to apologize when I realize I didn't actually bump into him.

I went through him. I look up and see he's staring at me. "What, you one of the few that felt my presence?"