Adore [H.S.]

24

"I don't know. I just - I just don't?" My voice fails, leaving my statement to steer off course and into questioning territory. 

Jaz takes a moment to recollect her thoughts. The silence on the other line increasing with each passing second. I was thankful for it, but at the same time, nervous for what she may say back. 

"I'm going to ask you something and you need to promise me to not get mad or anything like that. Okay?" She asks me, her voice laced with apprehension. 

"Sure? Sure. What is it?" A nervous butterfly twitches in my stomach. My palms sweating ever so lightly .

"The reason why you're not in love with Chase, is it because you may actually be falling for Harry?" 

I cough on my own spit. My heart racing fast inside of my chest. Out of all the assumptions and reasonings that she could have, this was not what I had expected to come from her. "Harry?" I ask, my voice cracking.

"Yeah. I know that you were interested in him before. I also know that you two are friends. I've noticed how you act with him. I also saw you sneak off with him at your party."

"Wait, what?" 

Jaz laughs lightly, "I'm not an idiot. Chase and Ben may not have noticed you but I did. I saw him walk into the room and I saw your eyes light up. You clearly like him." She states. 

"We're friends, Harry and I. That's it." 

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to believe that," she giggles. "Izzy. The spark that you first had when you first met Chase is gone. Long gone. What is happening with you and Harry?" Her voice has no lace of judgement, just mere curiosity. 

"I -" my voice breaks, the anxiety inside of me growing, "I- I don't know. We kissed." The words slip out before I can stop it. 

"What?" I pull my phone away from my ear, unable to handle the high pitched volume of Jaz's scream. "He kissed you?" 

"I kissed him." My voice is quiet, all of the previous guilt resurfacing. 

"When?" She quickly asks. 

"When what?" 

"When did you kiss him?" 

"The Christmas party." By this point, I am curled up in my bed. My knees are pulled up to my chest and my free arm wrapped around a pillow. 

"Shit." Jaz is quiet for a moment. "You need to tell Chase." 

I quickly sit up. My breathing growing deeper as my heart rate increases. "I can't do that," the volume of my voice is a lot louder than I intended. "Sorry," I quickly apologize, "I just - I can't tell him. It'll crush him." 

"Izzy, you kissed another guy. Unless you and Chase are broken up, you cheated on him. You need to own up to that." 

"I can't do that. I just - I can't do that." I shake my head, regardless of the fact that Jaz cannot see the frantic expression on my face. "It'll crush him. He'll kill Harry! They already don't like each other." 

The silence on her end of the phone is deafening. I don't think I can handle it. The minutes go by as I wait for her to speak. "What are you going to do then?" 

I have been asking myself this same question since my lips left Harry's. I don't know what to do. Everything was a jumbled mess of confusion. My heart was torn between what was right and what was not. A part of me wanted to come clean and tell Chase, but another part of me wanted to keep it from him to spare his heart being broken. His heart is going to be broken regardless. You like another man, my subconscious mocks. I shake off the thoughts before I open my mouth to speak.