Heartbreak Story - Byler

XXV - Doesn't Have to Be a Heartbreak Story Pt. 2

"Yeah." I began, fumbling over my words as heat turned my cheeks scarlet, "I bought it because...because I knew it was you favourite and I kinda wanted to get to know it, you know...for you. I wanted to learn your favourite song."

"Holy shit, really?" He asked, the spark expanding into a delicate flame that enveloped the whole room with its amber glow and warmed my heart. "You wanted to do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you."

Will looked at me solemnly and my attention became focused on his eyes once more that, for a moment, seemed as though the light of the fire had reached them, giving them a rebirth. "Thank you, Mike."

"Any time." I grinned at the smaller boy and intently observed as the corners of his mouth twitched and I was sure he was about to smile back when Jonathan interrupted us for the second time that morning.

"Have we decided on a winner, then?"

I was about to open my mouth and give the most obvious of answers as it was common knowledge that Will was the music lover among us so, of course, the winner would always be him when Will himself spoke over me: "Mike. Mike wins."

I felt my face crinkle with confusion as I queried what on earth the younger boy was talking about. "But you hate my taste in music, how could you possibly think I won this competition?"

"The highlight for me was, well, 'Hold Me'." Will said, a hint of embarrassment returning to his face. "That was a great song choice so I think you win, no contest. I'd given up the game by the time I heard tha-"

"But you told me and Max you don't like Fleetwood Mac." Jonathan cut in, "Wait, or is just 'Rhiannon' you don't like?"

"You don't like 'Rhiannon'?" I blurted out, my voice sounding panicked and wounded, despite the fact I hadn't had any intention to actually speak. A sense of hurt turned my body cold as I felt betrayed and wondered whether Will had been lying to me this whole time about our song and I couldn't help my mind from running off and wondering what other things about us he'd lied to me about. I told myself I was overreacting but I couldn't force myself to think more rationally.

"Okay, Jesus, everyone relax. Jonathan, I lied to you and Max, okay? I love that song but I didn't want to hear it that day in the car because it reminded me of Mike and I wanted him out of my head. He sang that song to me in a couple of my darker times a few months back and the last thing I needed to be reminded of on my first day back at school was that no matter how hard I fucking tried, I'd never get over him. I wanted to be free of him and not completely lose myself on the first day!"

Silence settled in the room once more, only shattered by Will's heavy breathing as tears began to fall down his face. I questioned how everything had gone so wrong so quickly but I was determined to speak to him to fix it, even if I was the last person on earth he wanted to speak to. "I'm sorry, Will. We shouldn't have brought it up. We didn't mean to push you so hard. You're not ready to delve deeper into your feelings and we get that but we didn't realise we were forcing you to."

"Just leave it, Mike." The voice of the boy I loved was hollow, like he had finally snapped and had nothing more to give. He was empty.

"No, I won't let it go. So many of the issues we had over these past few months have been because you turned me away when things got hard and we weren't able to get through it together. I'm not going to let you push me away this time."

"I said "just leave it"!" Will snapped at me before leaving the kitchen and heading to my room where the slamming of the door echoed all the way to where we stood.

My sister put her arms around my shoulders and held me close to her chest, the way she had done so many times when I'd let Will kick me out of his life and felt sorry for myself in her embrace instead of plucking up the courage and going back to fight for the boy I loved. I vowed to not allow myself to make the same mistake as I shrugged out of her clasp and followed Will up the stairs. I found him hugging his knees on the end of my bed, facing the wall and with his back to me as he cried.

"Hey." I said with a steady voice from the doorway before sitting next to him on the bed but ensuring there was a distance between us he'd be comfortable with.

"Why are you here?" He asked me with a monotone voice and, in that moment, I knew it was a serious question. Something about the way he stared at the wall looking completely hopeless made me realise he genuinely didn't understand why I'd gone to him, he didn't understand why I cared so much.

"Because I want you to talk to me and I don't want you to walk out on me again. I want you to know that you can't keep all these feelings bottled up or it will make it worse. When you're ready, I'm here and I want to listen to whatever it is you've got going on that you're so afraid to talk about. I'm here because you mean everything to me and I you need to be willing to let me in."

"I don't know if I can." Will mumbled sadly.

"You can trust me."

"Yeah." He replied, not sounding totally convinced and I steeled myself to do something I knew would break my heart but it needed to be done, for his sake.

"I need to ask you something and I want you to answer me truthfully. Not the way you think I want to hear so you won't hurt me. I want the truth, no matter what it is, okay?"

The smaller boy nodded.

"Okay...each time you do push me away, I feel more and more like that's what you want permanently. Will, do you not want me in your life in any way? Not even as your friend? Is what you want from me to never see me again because I'm worried that that's true but you're just not willing to say it and it's hurting you more. If that's the case, I promise you I'll go and I won't bother you. I want you to get better and if I'd hate myself if I was the reason you never did."

Will finally turned his face to mine and he looked at me wide-eyed as I started to become afraid. I knew that if the answer was yes and he didn't want to see me, I'd have to be strong for him and somehow find myself away from him before I had the chance to break down. I couldn't make the decision harder for him. "Is that what you think I want?" He queried, his voice emotionless and therefore unreadable. It held all the answers I needed to hear but he was giving nothing away.

"I don't know, is it?"

"No, I have never wanted anything less. So much of my life is surrounded by darkness and, if I'm being totally truthful, it has been ever since the Mindflayer but you bring a new kind of sunshine into it that I never knew existed. I could never want you to leave, even if I do say it sometimes. I guess it's easier than admitting to you that I need you. Thank you for not listening to me this time." He gave a feeble chuckle and though I knew his heart wasn't really in it, he was trying to find some happiness.

I let out a sigh of relief, "Thank god, you really had me worried that I'd never see you again there, Byers."

"I don't think I could handle that." The boy beside me mumbled and then paused before continuing, "But you're right, there is something I've been afraid to talk to you about."

"You don't have to tell me yet. Whenever you feel ready, I'm not going to push you."

"I'm ready now, there is something I've been fighting against but I need to tell you and, well, I'm not sure how you're going to take it..."

*

This chapter was intended to be just Byler laughing and having a good time with Jancy and that has been what I had planned since February. I'm not quite sure what just happened.
It was also supposed to be really short, lol I'm a mess.
- Niamh.