I'm not sure. Currently waiting for a suicide line chat that claims is confidential. But it's taking too long and my symptoms become worse. It seems as if right as I am on top of the world something pulls the rug under me and I fall. I've lied so much I myself believe them and I forget and indulge in the world of "I'm okay" that tortures me because I can't tell the difference anymore. Inside of the hole I create I hide from myself. Try to shield myself. I don't know. I hate it too. I make myself and others believe in this façade. It's beautiful too you know?
I looked in the mirror and didn't see me. Where did I go? Was I ever there?
Am I even really here?
