Blackinnon One Shots

Darkness Falls

Summary: Sirius has a hard time in Askaban. 

Warnings: Angst

How could any of this happen? He knew it was his fault. It was his fault that they were dead. It was his fault that he was now alone. He should have realized it earlier. He could have prevented it from happening! It was his fault, it was all just his fault.

The feeling of a darkness that slowly but surely engulfed him overcame him and an emptiness spread inside him. Isn't it scary how a single moment, a stupid idea, a wrong decision can change everything? How a little detail can bring everything to break down and make the whole world collapse around you?

Sirius never expected that any of this would have happened. Never expected all of them to suddenly be gone. He looked up and stared into these familiar blue eyes, which now looked at him sadly.

"Why? Why? WHY?", he shouted, smashing his fist against the wall so hard it started bleeding. Completely drained, he ran his hand through his hair, but did not move from where he had been sitting for hours. But no answer left the lips of the blonde girl. Only a tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at him.

"Why did they have to die?", this time he did not scream. If anything, it was a barely perceptible whisper. He hadn't been able to say it out loud yet, and when now that he did, it felt like part of him was dying too. She looked at him for a moment before answering just as quietly.

"I don't know. Nobody knows."

The sound of her voice made him flinch, as if he didn't really expect an answer. One part of him felt overjoyed when he heard her voice again, but the other part felt as if his heart had burst into millions of tiny pieces. The last time he heard her voice was too long ago. Sirius did not know how she could be with him, but he didn't care. Right now, there were too many things going on in his head to worry about.

Sirius closed his eyes and immediately the picture of a smashed house in Godric's Hollow appeared in his mind. Followed by the sight of the people he loved the most, lying motionless, wide-eyed on the floor. A huge pain spread in his chest and he immediately opened his eyes again, hoping that this pain would subside. But as soon as he saw Marlene, who still looked at him silently, this pain was only amplified. He buried his face in his hands as he began to cry softly.

"Sirius, don't ...", but before she could finish she was interrupted.

"Don't what? Don't cry? Don't feel guilty? What? Do you want to tell me that this isn't my fault? That I could not know what would happen? That everything will be fine again? It won't! Lily and James will not suddenly come alive again! Harry will not grow up with people who love him! Peter will never pay for what he did! And you, you will not return from the dead just like all the others! So, what do you want here? Are you here to remind me that this isn't the first time I've failed to protect the person I loved? Are you here to remind me that I will never see anyone who was important to me again? If so, then I can assure you that I am aware of all this."

He looked at her angrily and even though he knew that she had absolutely nothing to do with any of this, he was just mad at everything and everyone. She, on the other hand, stood there while he was talking quietly listening the whole time. Marlene knew it was impossible to calm Sirius down at the moment, but if anyone could do it, it was her. So, she began to speak slowly, careful not to say anything that could upset him further.

"I know it wasn't easy...isn't easy for you, but one day you'll come out of here. One day you'll see Harry again. One day everything will get better again. I understand what you're going through and that it's not easy for you, but even that pain will become less and less after some time."

For a second, he looked at her blankly, but then his expression turned into a crazy grin and he started to laugh as if he'd gone mad. Marlene looked at him worriedly, but just as fast as he had begun to laugh, he stopped now and looked at her with icy eyes. Something threatening was the way he began to speak calmly.

"You understand what I've been through? That's very interesting. For as far as I can remember, it was me who was at your funeral and not the other way around. Of course, I ask myself how you can understand any of this, if you have not heard anything about it? How do you want to understand my pain, if you did not feel it? Because you cannot! Only I felt this pain and therefore I can tell you something: It won't get better. You do not suddenly miss people less. You do not wake up one morning and have accepted to never see that person again. So, don't tell me it's getting better or that you know how I feel, because the truth is you have no idea what I've been through."

Sirius didn't know what was happening, all of a sudden, he felt a freezing cold. When he looked at Marlene again, there was no sign of sadness or even sympathy, no, something about her had changed. Her eyes were no longer warm and something about her made Sirius feel like a different person was standing in front of him.

"You know what, I really have no idea how it feels, but why should I? It's your fault and now you have to pay for it. You thought Peter was trustworthy."

"Stop it."

"You made them make him their secret keeper. It's all your fault. Only because of you are they dead! You could just as well have turned them in yourself! "

"STOP IT!", Sirius felt the whole world spinning around him. Voices calling to him that it was his fault. One by one, they all appeared in front of him. James, Lily, Remus, the Potters. But it didn't want to end, one after the other, the members of the Order appeared and accused him that all this would never have happened without him. For a moment, he thought it was over, until James suddenly stood in front of him again. At least that's what he thought, but then he recognized Lily's eyes.

"You really had to leave me alone, right? You're the reason I'm all on myself now. I hate you!"

Sirius wanted to say something, wanted to explain everything, but no words left his lips and Harry disappeared like all the others did. Only Marlene stayed there for a moment, looked at him contemptuously, shook her head and vanished. At that moment, the room around Sirius cleared and he recognized the cold, restrictive walls of his cell. He saw a dementor leaving behind the bars of his cell door. For a second, he thought he was completely alone, now that the Dementor had disappeared and these terrible delusions had finally subsided, but a cold voice that he had not heard in a long time taught him better and all at once he wished the Dementor was still with him.

"I never thought to see you here - hoping yes, but actually believing it? No - and yet here you are now. It's good to see that after all these years you have finally realized which side is the right one. You have no idea how glad I am to see that finally betrayed that Mudblood and this Blood Traitor and have dedicated you to the only true pure blood again. Maybe you're not as much of disappointment as I thought. "

He waited for her to dissolve like all the others, but nothing happened. Because it didn't need a Dementor to make Walburga Black look like Sirius' biggest nightmare. She did it all by herself. He did not look at her, did not answer. There were a thousand things he wanted to say to her face, but he had no strength to do so. And so, he just lurked in the corner, his head between his knees, listening to her footsteps walking away from him.

The next time he saw a familiar face was twelve years later, when he noticed a small rat on the shoulder of a redheaded boy.