How to Get a Date

 You know that today is the day. You sit down at your computer, shaking slightly as you pull up Facebook. Today is the day you tell them the truth. First, a drink of water. Then, a small snack. Or maybe two. Go back to the computer. Pull up the chat bar. Type their name in. See they're online. Freak out a little. Tell yourself you can't do it. Freak out some more. Go to the bathroom.

You calm down. Take some deep breaths. In. Hold. Out. Hold. In. Hold. Out. Hold. What's the worst they could say? No. That's it. Maybe, that you're a creep. Nothing too nasty. Wash your hands. Go back to your computer. Click on their name. See they're still online. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Hold. Type Hey. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Press send. They see it. You see the little bubbles that say they're typing back. Wait. Freak out. Calm down. Ten seconds total. Hey yourself. :) They were the funniest person you knew. And a smiley face! Die on the inside. Calm down. Reply: Whatchya doin? You can't say this, or even think it, without doing so in Isabella's voice (from Phineas and Ferb, of course).

Their reply: Building a roller coaster. They obviously had to reply in the same reference, because you know they love the children's show too. But also, they really are building a roller coaster; you are too, for physics, which you take together. It's the little paper kind that a marble runs through. Think. You reply: How's that going so far? They see it. You wait. They start typing. You wait. Wait more. See the reply. It's going well. Almost done with the main portion of it. You smile. Continue smiling at the screen for three minutes. Realize you haven't replied. Freak out. Type That's great! Mine's a work in progress still. and send it very very quickly.

Wait. Think about how you don't want to tell them. Decide maybe you won't tell them today. Wait. They reply: That's good, I guess. Think. Decide there isn't much to say to continue the conversation without bringing up a new topic. Stick to Plan A. You send: So, can I just tell you that I really like you or is that too weird? Realize you just told them you really liked them whether that is too weird or not. Freak out. Die. Sprawl on floor in crazy, hyperventilating panic attack. Wait. Breathe. Breathe some more. Finally manage to get control of yourself. Hear Facebook say they replied. Freak out some more. Freak out for another five minutes. Get up the courage to go read the message.

It says, I don't think that's too weird. Die again. Feel relieved. You reply What does that mean? Wait. And wait. You wait some more. Go get a drink. Come back to computer. Wait. Look at clock. Count out seven and a half more minutes. Start to cry. Hear facebook ding. Look at screen. You read: I guess it means I really like you too. Die some more.