Sometimes It Hurts

Why Me?

"Ughhh... why does this keep happening to me?!" I said to Leia while getting up from the ground.
"Weeell maybe you should look where you go next time instead of day dreaming" she said with a laugh and a  smile on her face.
Leia's my best friend since... kindergarten or something. She has beautiful dark brown hair and eyes, light skin and a smile that nobody would ever forget. She's the quiet and shy girl that not many people want to have in their life but that's just dumb because she's one of the best things that has happened to me so far in my life.

"Why do we have to go inside the school again" I said with a kind of confused voice.
"Because we need to ge meet the others and also the next class starts in like 5 minutes" she replied.
We where just sitting outside in the school garden just enjoying the sun while small talking. "Do we really need to meet the others before we go into class though?" I asked Leia trying to ask as kindly as I could. "Why not, they are our friends and it would be good for you to hang out with the other so that that little emo head of yours get some human interaction" she said with a bright smile on her face. How could I ever say no to that smile. "Just because I want to make you happy..."I sigh while a small smile on my lips appeared.

We meet the others. Reily, Sam, Emily, Theo, Toby and Candy where standing in a circle in the middle of the corridor. We approached them and walked to class together. Toby was new and already had many friends but he really hit it off with Sam, men and women this is a really pretty start of a bromance. Candy and Sam are best friends but they won't admit to anyone for some weird reason. Reily is a internet friend freak, and by that I mean that she has over 200 friends on the internet and she gets new ones every freaking day. Theo har always been that lonely kid until he started to hang out with us last year, and he's not like everyone else which is what we like about him. Emily, me and Leia have been friends since kindergarten that's something I know for sure.

We stood outside the classroom and just waited on the teacher to show up. He was 3 min late but he came at least. I took my seat and started to listen to what he said. "I guess I'll just have to for an hour now"thinking to myself with sighing myself in the head.

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"Carrie keep running, c'mon run faster, faster Carrie, you can't be caught by him!!" the voice in my head kept screaming. "Oh no you don't really think that you could run away from me did you" I heard behind me when I felt strong arms holding me against my will, I looked down and saw nothing but my legs that where now made of stone. "Please I beg you not again, I'll do anything just please stop!" I cried. "But why would I when the only thing I want is for you to love me" he said starting to kiss my neck. All the people ignored what was happening and my screaming just became louder and louder.

I woke up screaming and slowly realized that it was just that nightmare again. I started crying and rolled over to the side to hug my pillow once again. I can't stop thinking about that day, almost one year later and I'm still the same wreck of trash as I was when it all started. That day I lost my hope for society, I was assaulted and almost raped by a man who looked like he was in his 20's or 30's, he was not from around here and I could hear it in his accent.

I was going to meet some friends in the mall, I was supposed to take the train with Theo, Emily and Sydney. Emily woke up sick that morning so she couldn't go with us. Sydney's mom could drive her so she bailed on me and Theo. And then I live one stop from Theo so I got on the train before him and guess what he missed the freaking train because he's always late. Who figured that I was going to be left alone in a almost empty train, there was only like elders and some mom's with their kids in there. From the beginning when I got on the train this weird man was staring at me the  hole time but I just thought nothing about it so I sat down on a seat where I could look out the window even though it was not so much I could look at. I listen to my music and thought about life, when I saw that Theo didn't show up I figured that I were going to be left alone which I was fine with. I suddenly felt a person sitting right next to me pressing my body in to the window, the thing is... I STILL DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT! at least until he started putting his hands on me,"what the hell man, what the fuck do you think you're doing" I screamed at him. He didn't answer and just tried to put his hands on me again. I felt the whole world stop and I felt helpless, I tried to scream and even move but I couldn't, I felt as if I was made of stone. Suddenly he spoke "I love you" he said... He freaking said I L.O.V.E Y.O.U and I felt myself come back into reality, I pushed him of me and jelled at him that he couldn't love me especially because he doesn't even know who I am and he just trained saying that he loves me and we could have a beautiful future together. Everyone saw what was happening, from the beginning until I saw that it was my station and that I could make a run from it. No one even tried to help me. I ran and he ran after me I kept telling myself "keep running Carrie you can do it make it into the mall where you can be safe". He was faster than me and caught up to me he held me and I tried fighting him off me but I couldn't. He turned me around and was just about to kiss me when I hit him. He fell down to the ground and I ran to the mall and met my friends while crying. I told them everything about what had just happened.

The funny thing about this is I told my friends and my parents but no one cared all what they said was "well you didn't get raped so technically nothing  happend" and "stop being such a diva" was all they could say. Leia was the only one that cared but I couldn't lay all that responsibility on her so I told her that "I'm just fine, don't you worry".

From that day on I haven't been the happy girl I once was. If I hear someone say "I love you" to me I will start cry or even say that I'm not worth it because I'm not. I see all these couples and wish that I could have one but I know that I'm way to damaged in more ways than just that terrible experience.

I didn't sleep for the rest of the night so I got up at 3am and started making coffee, I usually don't drink coffee but if I can't sleep like now I do.

I live at my dad's because me and my mom has never really been on good terms. My dad is almost never home because either he is out on a work thing or he's at the bar. Sometimes I don't see him for 3 months and one time I didn't see him for almost a year. But I'm 16 and I can take care of myself. My dad cares about me though and he doesn't need to tell me for me to know and we both know that.

At 4.30am I decided to run over to the gym 10 minutes from my house. I work out when I don't have anything else to do so that I usually work out every day. I don't like the showers at the gym so I run home and take a shower before getting ready for school.

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"Oh yeah boy it's lunch!" Sam said  excitingly.
"Why do you get so excited about food, it's only food..." Candy said with a weird look in her eyes.
"Food is life little girl, food is life" he responded to Candy. We all laughed at  that and made our way to the school cafeteria.

We sat down and started eating but I wasn't that hungry so I just ate a chocolate bar. We talked and laughed like we always do, well they do I usually sit beside them and just try to follow but it's kinda hard when you're  daydreaming.

"Carrie what do you think" Reily said with a smile.
"Huh, what did you say?" I said all confused.
"Do you want to go with us to Sebastians party on Friday?" She asked with a confident look.
"Sure, I haven't gone to a party in a while" I replied to the question sounding a little bit tired.
"Hey didn't you sleep last night again" Sam asked at the same time as he took a bite of his sandwich.
"No I didn't feel like sleeping" I answered sarcastically.
"You need to sleep young lady" Toby replied as if he was my dad.
"Ugh, can we talk about something else now?" I said annoyingly.

They started talking about something and I looked down at my phone.

Dad 11.57am
"Hey honey, I'll not be home before Monday so I hope you have fun and that you don't miss me that much ;)"

Carrie 11.58am
"Ha ha dad. No but I'll try to have as much fun as I can, I'll hang out with my friends or something"

Dad 11.59am
"Bye honey"

Carrie 11.59am
"Bye dad"

My dad and Leia is probably the only two I could say I love you to or hear them say it back.

I looked up and looked around when I found a guy looking at me. He has brown hair and ocean blue eyes, he's gorgeous, jaw dropping actually. But why is he staring at me and why can't I pull away my eyes from him...