The Laws of Paxia

16. We belong together

  “You manage well here in Paxia. I admire you for your will-fire.”

  “I don’t have a choice,” I mumble. “None of us have if we want to survive here.”

  “We have the choice to live on. You changed the whole tribe, Meryl. You are restoring the humanity in us.”

  “It was the net, not me,” I answer darkly. “Don’t make me sound better than I am.”

  This bathroom has a tub and Jessica fills it with water while I undress. I’m not shy, but I see how she looks away in respect when I get out of my pants.

  It’s a sight. The scars from the accident are shining white despite my pale skinny legs. The worst scars are on my back. I could look at them for hours after the accident and still not understand that it was me. I finally accepted the reality after weeks of glaring. That’s when I gave up on ever feeling pretty.

  “I assure you that Lex is very much aware of my disability too,” I add with a hint of humour in my voice. “I’m not ashamed of my body. I was never the girly type.”

  “Like any of us can be pretty in Paxia,” she says quietly. “I used to have shapes, but I’m only skin and bones now.”

  She helps me into the cold water and I shiver. I can feel my lips turning blue, but I stay strong and start washing off the blood.

  “Are you cold?” she asks worriedly and I nod. “It must be the shock.”

  I close my eyes and endure the cold water. I’ve only been taking cold showers lately, so this isn’t the first time I had to suffer.

  “Jessica,” I start saying. “I stopped feeling the heat weeks ago. Literally.”

  “I’ve been wondering,” she says thoughtfully and starts washing my hair with just water. The clear water is being filled with blood and dust and doesn’t look very attractive anymore. At least I’ll be getting clean. “Everyone’s been looking weirdly at you for wearing long sleeved shirts.”

  I don’t say anything. I don’t want to explain the whole thing all over again. I close my eyes and let Jessica scrub me clean.

  “Can I get up now?” I ask when I had enough.

  “Of course.”

  I’m worried for Lex and I think I’m strong enough to check how he’s doing now. Jessica helps me get dressed in clean clothes and combs my hair. I feel like a baby, but it feels nice to be taken cared of for once. Mom used to help me in the beginning before I got used to washing myself. I miss her so much.

  I roll out of the bathroom and to the kitchen where Lex and Peter is. My boyfriend is still pale, but has a healthier look on his face now.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you, Meryl,” he says bravely. “I’m alright, Peter sewed me.”

  He shows me his bandaged arm and I can see a little bit of blood sip through it, but he looks okay now at least.

  “The cut was deep but clean,” Peter says. “He was lucky, but he lost a lot of blood.”

  I put my hands on Lex knees and he reaches down to give me a soft kiss. It feels nice so I embrace him into a hug.

  “It was the blood,” I say without shame. “It’s not the same as killing someone.”

  “It was just an accident, Meryl. I would have bled to death if you didn’t act so fast.”

  “Like I’d let you die so easily.”