Carolina

Bathroom Talk

"Tammy!", the voice belonged to my brother.

He came running from the kitchen to the bathroom where I was sitting. Doing what you usually do in a toilet as he dragged the door open.

"Michael! What the fuck I'm on the fucking toilet you idiot!"

He ignored my cursing and handed me his phone, I looked at him hesitantly, and then back to the phone.

"can I at least wipe my ass before I see whatever's on your stupid phone?"

He shook his head and gave me the phone.

"he says your name in one of his new songs, he's on the today show right now"

Who said my name in his new what?

Michael saw that I was confused and just shaked his phone up in my face. I took the phone and looked at the paused screen, it was a bit blurry but I could see who it was a video of. The figure of someone that I knew far too well as up on a stage in the middle of New York City. His band was there and his guitar strapped around him. I got a feeling inside of me that I thought I'd never feel again. I was hesitant to press play, and I honestly thought my brother was just pranking me. But I turned up the volume and pressed play.

"you don't know if this-"

"shush! Listen!"

She's got a family in Carolina
So far away, but she says I remind her of home
Feeling oh so far from home

"Michael, North-Carolina alone has like 10 million inhabitants, its not like i'm the only one he's me-"

He gave me a glare and I knew I ought to shut up.

She never saw herself as a west coaster
Moved all the way 'cause her grandma told her
"Towns, better swim before you drown"

What the hell is going on...

I must've heard wrong, maybe he said towns as in the plural of a town. Or, youknow I might have just heard him wrong?

She's a good girl
She's such a good girl
She's a good girl
She feels so good

"what?!"

Michael was silently laughing at my reaction. What the hell?! "She feels so good", what the hell is this boy doing. I continued watching, ignoring the fact that Michael was standing right by me and kept on commenting every single line. Like what the hell does he mean by all of this. Was it about me?

"is this live?" I look up at Michael, but not meeting his eyes.

"not to us, it was live in New York six hours ago", he looked at me with concerned eyes.

"give me my phone, and then get out"

"what are you going to d- "

"first, I'm going to wipe my ass, then I'll call him what do you think I'm going to do?!" I screamed at him. He hurried out the door and returned quickly with my phone. He slammed the door shut, and pretended to walk down the hallway but I knew he would be right outside the door, eavesdropping. I did my business and washed my hands. I unlocked my phone, and then searched up the number I thought I'd never use. My hands were starting to shake as I pressed the name 'harry 'on the contact list. It started to ring, and after two beeps someone picked up the phone.

"hello?" his voice was croaky, and as he spoke I caught myself catching my breath.

"Hi, it's me"

"oh hey, uhm, I don't know what time it is in London but here it's like 4AM. I kinda wanna sleep around that time of the day if you don't mind".

"Harry"

"hm... what?", I could tell that he was distorted.

"I don't know if this is true or not, and if it isn't then I'll be embarrassed for the rest of my life but I just had to ask and Michael just came to me with this video of you singing on the today show and- "

"Tammy"

I sighed.

"yeah"

"I can explain everything, okay? We just have to meet or something I can't do this over the phone", his voice wasn't as hazy as it was a few seconds ago. I could hear his breathing over the phone.

"what do you mean meet up? Harry, I have classes to go to and exams to attend I can't just drop everything and fly across the globe for you. I know I used to be like that but things are different now", I tried to not sound mean or angered so I used the softest voice I had.

"I'm not asking you to do that", his voice sounded different, disappointed almost. As if I had hurt his feelings by assuming he expected me to drop anything and be on the first plane from Heathrow.

After a few he spoke again; "... my album is out in three days. Dunno if you've heard. But I'm doing an interview with Grimshaw in London on the day. We're flying in tomorrow so maybe you and I could catch up then?"

I wanted nothing more than to say yes. I wanted him to tell me when and where he was arriving so I could wait for him in the terminal with roses and balloons and run to him and let him hold me in his arms when he walked in the door. I wanted him to spend the night here, so we could talk for hours about everything and nothing, just like we used to do. I wanted him to talk to me about his new album, all the other songs I hadn't heard as well as the ones I've known about for years. I wanted him to talk, so I could watch his lips as they moved and all of his facial expressions as he talked so passionate about his music.

"Tamara"

"well if you're planning on coming here then sure, we can talk, but you could've given me a heads up about this Harry. It's not normal to find out that a guy you fooled around with has written a song about you when he performs it on the today show". My voice was harsher than I meant for it to be. 'fooled around with' is an understatement though. We loved each other, but when things ended like they did you deal with it your own way. My way was to deny it ever happened, his way, apparently, was writing songs about me.

"I'll be there tomorrow"

I waited for him to hang up, but he didn't. the patterns of his breathing were so comforting to hear, and after a while I tried breathing in and out while he did. It sounded like he was about to speak multiple times, but he never uttered a word.

I hung up the phone.

I unlocked my screen again and looked at the time, it was 9AM.

I sent him a text saying 'its 9AM, I have class at 11 and work until 6, don't call unless its urgent'

I put my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

I probably shouldn't have hung up on him like that, but I didn't know any other way to deal with it. I didn't even know what we were, or what I was to him. Were we friends? Exes? Bitter enemies or maybe even secret lovers, so secret that neither of us knew about it.