17 an age between which you are considered finally responsible. And age that probadly brings stress because you're almost an adult. An age of aceeptance. An age where you have to grow up. And leave the past behind. Of course many never do this. Some never even attempt because they dont want to let go of the child they once were. Because they dont want to face the reality of being someone who has to make sacrifices. I guess i'm no exception to this. Because I can say that whenever I think of my age.. I can't help but feel a little sad. My past was such a short one and the thing that I was suppose to call my childhood never really felt like one. There were so many bumps and very little memorys. I barley made a happy one. And all the times in which I lived every moment I cherish the most... I can never relive these moments. Everytime I think about that. It shows me how precious life truly is. And sometimes... no.. most of the time we take that for granite. We really don't see that every moment is a gift. A gift given from whom which ever gave it to us. I can't say im proud of who I was. I can't say ive done a lot of things in my life. I can't say that I lived the happyiest life. But no one ever does. My point is 30 years from now I dont want this to be what I see in my life. I dont want be afraid of dying knowing that I never did anything to change. I was stuck in something for so long. That I think I thought I was eternal. But the more I grow. The more I see how fast these moments can be taken away. The more I see how fast the ones you love can be taken away. Or how fast a smile can be taken away. Even how fast someone you really think thats going to stick with you till thick and thin. Can suddenly just disappear. And its almost as if you never existed. This world.. No the people in this world can be cruel. Sometimes its because of the deamons that they fight everyday. Sometimes its because they have no other choice. Be kind. We all hurt. We all feel. We all cry. We all have our deamons. And they never go away... But we can live beyond them. Beyond us. Beyond you.. I am 17 years old. And I am scared as shit. Because I don't know what is ahead of me. And I never will. Because I dont know how much more pain I have to take in order to be someone. But I know whats behind me... And I know what pains I have endured to be who I am. And no one can take that away. Not you. Not them. Not it. And as I grow older I want to show my pain. Crazy right? Pain the thing we should supress and hide from others. Why show it? Because I understand what it feels like to be alone. Even when your around the ones who care. And for years this pain has been my strongest deamon. It has broken me. It has controlled me. It has taken me to the darkest of places. And the only way I can beat it... Is if I learn to show this pain. To let down the walls ive built for so long. To show who I really am. And who I can be. Until my last breath I dont want to feel alone anymore. I dont want someone who sits alone watching others laugh. I wanna laugh for once. So this is my promise. To you... To me... I will laugh again. And not because your laughing. Not because im trying to fit in. Not because im trying to hide the pain.
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Because I want too.
-Eternis
Stay kind....... You never know who hurtin the most until you lose them. And you can't take it back.
