Lessons Learned

Part 16.

I stood back up, tossing my stick into the pond and taking in my surroundings one last time. I would miss this place.

"Niall?" I ducked back into the tent and shook awake the sleeping angel. "Wake up."

"Hmmm?" Niall rolled over, his blue eyes parting slightly. They opened wider when they locked on mine and I saw the pure happiness spread over his face when he saw me kneeling by his side. "Good morning beautiful." He sat up, his hands supporting his body from behind as he leaned in to kiss me gently.

It took everything I had to turn my head and let his lips brush my cheek instead of my mouth. I saw a glimpse of hurt dance over his features and the wispy shadow of a question settle in the back of his stunning eyes. Watching me warily, he leaned in and tried again. I blinked back my tears as I turned away again.

"What are you doing?" Niall's voice was raw with hurt and confusion. He twisted the edge of the sleeping bag in his hands as his eyes ducked down. "Why are you being like this?"

"I can't stay here anymore," I couldn't meet his gaze. "Please show me your memories so I can go."

"What the hell Belly?" I could hear the tears in his words. "I thought for once someone actually liked me. I thought of all people, you wouldn't be the one to hurt me."

Then he pushed past me to get out of the tent, the sharp angle of his elbow accidently planting itself in my gut as he tried to get away as quickly as possible. I doubled over, clutching my arms to my stomach as I let out a small noise of pain.

Niall stopped in his tracks, turning to make sure I was all right. His eyes flooded with regret and he grabbed my hand to pull me out of the tent. Once we were standing outside, the early morning breeze lifting our hair, Niall pushed my arms away from my stomach.

"Are you okay?" he still looked upset, but I could see that his desire to make sure I was all right outweighed the knife he thought I had just stabbed in his back. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm fine," I lied. Physically I was, but emotionally I was a wreck. I didn't want to leave him, but I couldn't stay and have him wrenched out of my grasp. I wanted to leave before he made too permanent a mark on my heart.

"I'm sorry," he lifted the edge of my gray tee-shirt and brought his lips down to my stomach. He gave it a gentle kiss before dropping my shirt and standing up to his full height, which was a few inches taller than me. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

I shook my head, keeping my gaze on my feet.

"So why did you decide to hurt me?" his voice cracked as he whispered his question. "I know we haven't known each other very long but I thought you liked me. I mean," he shoved his hands into the pockets of his low hanging basketball shorts and rocked back on his bare heels, "you're the one who kissed me. You made me feel special."

I felt a lone tear run down my cheek and tried to erase the heartbreaking sound of Niall's forlorn lilt from my mind. I didn't know he actually cared that much. "Someone better will come along, you won't miss me."

"Why are you doing this?" he scuffed his foot in the grass, doing everything not to meet my eyes. "I know we aren't like dating or anything and we barely know each other but I thought maybe..." He trailed off. When he looked up his sapphire eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "Even when I was alive I never had a serious relationship. I never found anyone I cared about enough. When I came up here to be in this limbo I watched my real life self and waited for someone who would be mine, but even then I never found someone to settle down with. My real life self died in a car accident and I continued living up here, doing my job and watching numerous people pass through. But still no one meant anything to me. And then you came."

He stopped talking abruptly and took off across the yard. I watched him run into the house, the glass door shaking as he slammed it behind him. I wanted to go after him, but at the same time I was relieved he was mad at me. It would make our goodbye that much easier.

I crawled back into the tent and curled up in a ball on the sleeping bag still warm with Niall's body heat. I wrapped it around me, his intoxicating scent filling my nostrils as a few tears leaked from my eyes. I told myself that I barely knew him. I told myself that I only liked him because he was the first person to be nice to me. I told myself that when I woke up alive I would find someone to love me for who I was. I told myself that he didn't matter. I told myself that leaving him wouldn't hurt. I told myself that it wasn't him I liked, but his kind words. I told myself that it was his job to make me feel good about myself. I told myself that he didn't care. I told myself that I would be better off without him.

I told myself a million lies cutting him down, yet when I fell into a restless sleep he was all I saw.