Not Your Luna--The Broken Bond (book 1 COMPLETED)

Chapter 36

There! I swear my finger moved. I just had to try again. "That's it Mac do it again," I heard the excited voice of Nick. I did just as he asked. I made not only my finger move but my whole hand squeezed his. It wasn't a hard squeeze by any stretch of the imagination but it was a hell of a lot more than I did before.

I felt a warm large hand on my face. It was such a soft loving touch that I froze. A jolt shot through my body and I gasped sitting right up with my eyes flying open. I had to blink a few times before I understood where I was. Sitting in my bed with Nick beside me holding my hand, Corey, M1, and Lola staring down at me and Jenson standing beside me with his hand outstretched moving towards my face.

I looked at that hand and the faces around my room and felt nothing. No happiness, no relief, no pain, no anger. I felt empty and cold. The smiles that were on most of their faces have fallen. I swung my legs off the bed and tried to stand up.

"Wow! What are you doing?" Nick had jumped off the bed when I started to move my legs. He now stood in front of me holding my upper arms, keeping me from swaying.

"Washroom," I stated and went to step around him but he moved again. Now he had his arm around my waist and walked with me to the washroom. "Thanks," I said before shutting the door in his face. I may not feel anything but I see no reason to be rude.

After I did my business I turned on the shower. I was tired but felt gross. I could hear the others whispering frantically but I could care less. Jumping in the shower I took my time letting the hot water relax my body.

When I walked out of the bathroom with a towel securely wrapped around me the bedroom door was left open and the Alpha and Luna were the only ones left in my room. Grabbing some workout clothes I walked back into the bathroom to get dressed. A few minutes later I was back in my room where both the Alpha and Luna still waited. My body was a little weak and I was hungry but I felt good.

"Yes?" I looked at the Alpha and asked. I was assuming him and his Luna stayed for a reason.

"Please sit down Mac," he said. There was no smile on his face but he also didn't seem mad. I sat on my bed and stared at the Alpha. "I don't know who much you know so I wanted to take a few minutes to explain things."

"I know I survived my shift. I know my wolf tried to kill Jenson. I know my wolf is weak and it is her fault that the bonds are practically broken. I know I don't care about any of this or anyone right now. I just want to be left alone," I stated. My voice sounded flat.

Alpha Alexander watched me and said nothing. It was if he was looking for something. "You won't feel like this for long. But the problem is that when your emotions come back online it will be an overload that hits you all at once. When that happens I do not want you to be alone. We will give you as much space as we can but someone will always be close by. Let's head downstairs and get some solid food in that belly of yours," Alpha said the last with a smile.

I stood, reached for my ipod and followed him out. People outright stared at me. Some looked nervous, others held curiosity and a few were hostile. It was those stares that I held with my own blank one. I never looked away first. Another time I would have been amused but now I felt nothing.

I ate in the kitchen as usual. Hushed voices went silent when they entered the room. Tension was high. None of it bothered me. I barely registered anything. While I sat on the stool eating I stared out the glass door looking at nothing. I felt nothing, maybe not nothing but I felt numb. I don't think I liked it but it was better than the pain. Right?

In my own little world of void a dark shape blocked my view. It took a couple seconds to understand why my view went from the woods to a dark blue shirt and tanned large forearms. My eyes slowly travelled up to a wide chest that I was familiar with. Moving up and up I met a pair of warm brown eyes. I raised a questioning eyebrow. "How are you feeling?" M1 asked, his voice guarded.

"Fine," I answered, my voice fell flat. I went back to my food and concentrated on the granite top.

I heard M1 sigh. "It will get better Mac. I promise." I just shrugged my shoulders. He couldn't promise that and I wouldn't hold him to it.

"Mac?" A soft deep voice came from behind me followed by a growl from M1. "Do you have a minute? Alone." The only thing that surprised me was that I did not feel him get close to me. I could feel him coming when he was 20 feet away over the past couple weeks but now nothing. Come to think of it I didn't even know M1 was here till he blocked my view.

"What do you want, Jenson?" Still my voice was flat. I ignored the alone part of his question. I continued to eat with my back to him.

He said nothing for a few minutes. I got up to put my dish in the dishwasher. When I turned around he was right there, less than a foot behind me. I really didn't like not knowing when people were so close to me. I felt a flicker of annoyance but then it was gone.

"Mac...I am so sorry," Jenson said as we stared into the others eyes. His emerald green ones that held so much conflict and my blue ones that held nothing. "I was stupid and scared. It was inexcusable. I am so so sorry for what I did to you. I didn't know. You shouldn't have felt..."

I could see the pain and regret in his eyes but still felt nothing. No hurt, no betrayal, absolutely nothing. "Ok," I didn't know what else to say. I stepped aside and went to walk around him.

"Mac..." Jenson whispered as his hand softly cupped my face. "Please fight. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

I had no impulse to rip his hand off my face. I felt an empty hand and nothing more. Staring deep into his emerald green eyes a single tear slid down his face. When I opened my mouth I spoke the truth. "I'm done fighting. I am just too damn tired to fight which just ends up with the same results." With that said I walked away.