Blank Expression

Girl

   By myself, sitting here watching everyone travel on with there lives, yet I feel trapped in time. Frozen I can't move, if I try I get hurt and end back where I was. Friends move on, no need to get close to me. I try to push them away. Please stop asking me how I feel, I know if I say what I truly feel you will leave me. Don't tell me you won't because there were others before you. They said the same thing, that they'll be there for you, in reality they secretly think you're insane. Haven't you ever heard of trust? I mean sure you can say I'm being stubborn in reality I'm trying to protect myself. Don't think I don't see you when you date five guys in a month. You say I don't wanna date or I would try, I'm only trying to wait for another person, to actually try getting to know me for who I am. You think I'm being real but I'm faking everything, the bright, positive me is the one you see me as. For my true self I feel would only hurt me and others to see me going crazy, so I keep it locked with a password. Trying to fight is like trying to stop breathing, it's near to impossible, but somehow you managed to follow the lies I tell you daily. You're popularity lives off my lies doesn't it, don't think I haven't heard the rumors. Yeah true friends definitely do that. A dark demon takes my mind at points and you don't even notice. The tear- stained face I cover up with a fresh mask each day. It's okay but I can't look you in the eyes, or you will see blood shot eyes. Tired, lonely, scared, paranoid, not good enough is what I feel on a daily basis. Did you know that? Probably not. No one knows, it's like keeping everything you really feel in a cage and they keep trying free themselves. For once in my life if a person came up to me and said, "I know you're scared I am too, we'll be okay". But you just ask if I am okay. No I'm not, I'm always scared of everything a noise would scare me half to death, but I act strong. The inside of me is screaming and crying saying turn back please. But I push everything back farther away from the surface of me. No one understands how I feel at this exact moment. My heart is racing, and underneath this table my hands are shaking, I feel anxious but scared at the same time. Breathe in and out. Ha, you think that really works. All I could focus on is the fear exploding inside of me. Gasp for air at the last moment because for a split second you forgot how to breathe.  

(So like this is based off a story idea I had a long time ago, basically she doesn't have a name because she is, 'invisible', but yeah, I would say more, but like no spoilers..) (Also sorry if this sucks, I'm not the best writer)