"Hey your kinda quiet over there. Wanna talk about it?"
"There is going to be a lot of people there tonight. A lot of people who are gonna want to hold him. As much as the medicine and therapy has helped, I still get nervous." Gwen says looking at her lap having a hard time admitting her fear.
"Yeah there is. If you get to the point where you need to take him and step away for a minute, that's ok Gwen. I don't want you pushing yourself to far. So if you start to get overwhelmed or you feel yourself getting upset, at least tell me if not ask to have him back and go to a room by yourself for a few minutes ok? Promise me."
"Ok I will. I promise."
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Gwen can feel herself start to lose control. She hasn't held King since they got here an hour ago. She had done so well keeping her fear and anxiety under check but she is now starting to lose the battle. Blake can see the fear start creep into her eyes and he notices the change in her posture. He makes his way over to her and wraps his arms around her. She rests back against him trying to use his presence and contact to ground her, a technique they had suggested in therapy. It works some but it's eating at her. She just wants a few minutes with him, but she doesn't want to give in to the fear either. That being something else she has learned in therapy. She toughs it out for another thirty minutes by making Blake stay with her, having some kind of physical contact with him, but at the end of that thirty minutes she can't handle it anymore she has to hold him and make sure he is safe if only for a few minutes. Blake's aunt Betty was currently the one holding King. Gwen broke the contact with Blake and made her way over to Betty. Blake knew she had lost the battle at that point but was extremely proud of her for trying so hard and doing so well.
"Betty?" Gwen said trying to get the older woman's attention. "I need to change Kings diaper if you don't mind handing him back to me for a few minutes."
"Oh darlin I can change him for you so you can have a break. Just get me his things." Betty says
"I really appreciate the offer but I would like to take him somewhere private I also want to see if he needs to eat." Gwen said bending down to take him, not waiting for the woman to give him over.
She broke when Blake's aunt wouldn't give him back. She all but ran to the steps and up them, but not without Blake and Dot noticing the tears running down her face. Blake starts to head up after her but he is stopped by a hand on his arm.
"Let me." Dot says
Blake doesn't know how this is gonna go but he decides to let his mom go, because let's face it she is always right.
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Dot climbs the stairs and finds Gwen in Blake's old room. She knew they had put all the baby stuff they brought over in there. She walks into the door way to find Gwen on Blake's twin bed leaning against the wall, tears still rolling down her cheeks while she feeds King.
"Can I join you?" Gwen's head snaps up and she sees Dot standing there
"Yeah." Gwen says quietly
"Having a hard time?" This time Gwen didn't even answer she just shook her head not wanting to break completely down in front of her fiancé's mom. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, you know that right?"
"But it's my fault I get scared and freak out."
"Do you want to be scared and freak out?"
"No I want to be my normal self."
"Then it's not something you can help. If you could you wouldn't be doing it. As for normal, Gwen there is no normal. You know I struggled with the exact same thing you are struggling with?" Gwen shook her head no but Dot could tell she definitely had gotten her attention. "I did. At the beginning I didn't even want Blake's dad to hold him. I would hover over him while he was holding Blake and it would make him so upset because he thought I didn't trust him with his own son. It got to the point that like you I had to go on medicine for a little while and go talk to someone. So please don't beat yourself up and don't stop fighting to get your old self completely back. You will get there I promise."
"I finally got to where I don't feel like that when Blake holds him. I felt so guilty about that. The man I love, his father, I didn't even trust to hold him. I felt like a bad mom."
"I felt like that to but you have to trust me it's not your fault and your not the only one to ever deal with this. If you ever need an understanding ear know I'm here for you Gwen. You have brought my son back to life. I have never seen him so happy, like he was when he was introducing everyone to King. He was so proud."
"He was. I'm just glad we could do this together. He saved both King and I. I don't know where we would be if it weren't for him. Who knows what my ex would have done? Or if I would have had the strength to get help? So many things could have gone so bad without Blake."
"That's why you were meant to be."
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Gwen sits in the passenger seat and she can tell Blake is struggling to keep his composure. Dirt flies up leaving a cloud of dust in their wake. Gwen reaches across the console and takes his hand. He briefly looks at her and gives her a smile that could make her cry. He is so sad and she wonders why he wants to come out here and make himself go through this right now if he doesn't have to. Regardless she is going to be here and support him through this.
As the make their way into the cemetery they weave through head stones he never lets go of her hand. Blake comes to a stop and just sits there holding onto the steering wheel and Gwen's hand. Gwen doesn't rush him, she just sits there with him holding his hand and letting him know she is there for him. Eventually Blake works up the ability to let go of her hand and gets out of the truck. He moves to the back and gets King out of his car seat and carries him around the car to Gwen. He takes her hand in his and holds King with the other. They walk up to two headstones that Gwen sees are his dad and brother's. Blake swallows hard and Gwen knows that's his way of trying to keep his emotions under control.
"He drank a lot and wasn't the husband he should've been, but he's my dad ya know. Gwen I promise you and Kingston that I'm gonna do everything I can to be the best husband and father I can be. Your my world and I don't ever want to lose you."
" You already are Blake and your never gonna lose me." She said as she leaned up on her tip toes to place her lips on his.
"I wish Richie were here to see Kingston ya know. He would have been the best uncle. He was a damn good brother. I just hope he is proud of me."
"I know for a fact he is proud of you. I'm proud of you too. I'm gonna go back to the car and give you a minute. I love you."
"I love you too sunshine."
Blake turned back to look at his dad and brother's headstones.
"Well dad, Richie it happened. I got the family I always wanted. I wish you were here to see your grandson and nephew. You would have loved him and his mom. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky, ya know, and then I remember you and Richie aren't here. It feels like I shouldn't ever be this happy. Gwen is my everything and I couldn't have asked for a better woman to have stand beside me. It's just hard not having ya'll here. I miss you like a crazy person." Blake said wiping a stray tear off his face before heading back to the car, securing King in his seat. Once he sat down in the drivers seat he turns to look at Gwen, who is looking at him with a look of love mixed with concern.
"Thank you Gwen."
"For what babe?"
"For everything. For letting me be apart of your life. For loving me. For letting me be Kings dad. For coming here with me. Just thank you."
"Blake you never have to thank me. You save us! Who knows where we would be without you. We love you so much!"
"We saved each other." Blake said before leaning in to kiss her.
Showing him off
Start from the beginning
