touch

twenty six

“It’s alright H, we’re okay.” I ease, smiling faintly to try to calm Harry down, “You’re alright, just calm down.”

He shakes his head, banging his fist on the floor, “I’m not alright, Violet, I can’t do this anymore! Fighting with you I-I—I hate it!” He shouts, “We used to laugh and watch movies together every single night, we were best friends! Now, I’m scared I can’t even call you ‘Vi’ anymore without making you mad!”

Harry looks at me right in the eye and I scoot back a little to process it all. He’s right; what we used to do less than a week ago seems foreign. It seems like we can’t even talk anymore without me wanting to run away and hide or scream until I physically can’t anymore.

I snap out of my thoughts and look back at Harry with kind eyes, “I know.” I whisper, “We’re okay, though.” I assure him even though I don’t even know if I believe it. We aren’t okay because I love Harry and Harry just thinks of me as his best friend.

Harry takes a deep breath and says, “Are you sure?” and just because I don’t like to see Harry sad I say, “Positive.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling, “I wish I could hug you right now.”

I laugh and sit down right beside him, “I wish we could.”

We stay silent, just enjoying the fact that we can sit next to each other and be somewhat happy. That is until Harry says, “I bought the full 1975 album.” And I grin and look over at him and he does the same. He gets up and holds out his hands, saying, “Would you, Violet Grace Richards, do me the honor of lying in bed with you, listening to Matty Healy.”

I giggle, and stand up to look up at him, “I do.” I say dramatically, but it makes Harry laugh so I count it as a win.

Harry smiles triumphantly and digs around in his bag until he pulls out a pair of headphones and his iPod. He sits on his bed and gives me a grin while patting the space next to him with his hand.

I run over and flop onto his bed, laying down on my stomach. He passes me one headphone and then lies down beside me on his stomach also, smiling softly.

I’m so entranced by his pretty eyes that I miss the words that are coming out of his red lips. But they turn up slightly anyway, so I just keep smiling contently.

I hear Harry’s laugh, though, and a loud, “Violet!” so I shake out of my daze and mumble, “What?”

He chuckles again and shakes his head, his curly hair fanning over his forehead. “Any requests for a song?” He repeats.

“You’re the expert.”

He nods, looking at his iPod seriously as it sits on his pillow, “Right.”

He taps the screen once, biting his lip to hide his grin. The familiar eerie beginning of Sex rings through my ears and I can’t help but laugh into the pillow in front of me. I look over at Harry to see him beaming.

“You’re so cheesy.” I say fondly, grabbing the pillow in front of me and using it to hit Harry, “You stupid charmer.”

Harry shrugs, “It’s the curls.” He says, reaching up to ruffle them around.

“I wish I could do that.” I say, referencing him running his hand through his hair, before I can even think and my eyes go wide with terror.

Harry’s quiet, too, and I’m even more terrified until he says, “See, they can even charm you.”

I internally let out a huge sigh that would really help the dying plant in the corner of the flat, but in reality I just shake my head and close my eyes.

Halfway through the song, I hear Harry quietly humming along, sometimes singing along to “She’s got a boyfriend anyway.”

I open my eyes to see Harry’s already looking at mine. He blushes and stops singing while bringing his hand up close to his face and waving like a loser.

As endearing as it is, I ignore it and narrow my eyes at him, “Sing again.” I—kind of—demand.

He scrunches his eyebrows together, but then shakes his head and quietly starts singing along.

His voice is low and curls around every word beautifully. Between both his and Matty’s voice, I can’t help but smile, listening to them mix together.

My eyes close as Harry’s voice becomes louder and stronger, as the ending line of the song rolls off his tongue. He pauses the music as the next song starts to play while I open my eyes to look at him.

“I know I’m not very good—” He begins, looking at his hands bashfully, but I’m quick to interject.

“You’re absolutely amazing.” I say. His head snaps up to look at me, a questioning look on his face.

“Really?” He asks, and I nod, “I don’t sing in front of a lot of people.”

“Why? Is it because you think you’re bad?” I question, looking at him quizzically, “Because if it’s that reason, you’re truly crazy.”

He shrugs, smiling down at his hands, his cheeks turning pink. He opens his mouth, but then closes it quickly and begins to play the music again.

The song that plays next is Me, and I shift uncomfortably because this song relates to my life so much it’s insane. I tighten my jaw and scrunch up my face.

Harry notices my discomfort and says, “Are you okay, Vi?”

I nod, “Can you change the song?” I ask quietly.

“I really like this one, though, it has a kind of calming beat to it you know?” He says, but then looks over at me and says, “Unless you really want to change it, I can, that’s okay.”

“No,” I say, “It’s fine.”

Harry smiles and turns on his side to look at me, his smile small and caring. “I can sing for you again?
I close my eyes, my lips turning up contentedly, “That would be nice.”

Harry begins to sing softly like someone would during a lullaby. I feel my eyelids getting heavier until the music and Harry’s soft voice is becoming a clustered murmured.

I fall asleep with the lyrics “I love you, don’t you mind?” and the soft words, “Goodnight, beautiful.” Swimming around my head.

[SERIOUSLY LATE UPDATE BUT I MADE UP FOR IT WITH FLUFF BC IM A RLY NICE PERSON]

 

[ALSO, ANOTHER REALLY AWESOME AND SUPER NICE PERSON IS @HARRYS_PIE AND SHE WROTE THIS AWESOME POEM FOR TOUCH AND THAT’S WHY SHE GETS A DEDICATION BC SHES AMAZING]

 

HERES THE AMAZING POEM:

 

I stared at myself, all miserable and gray // And went back in my closet, not being able to say //Say the story of my life, about how I died // So, I went inside and cried ..Strike five, I thought, that were afraid of me // I was a ghost after all, you see? // All this time, they thought I would hurt them // When they were hurting me // But the new boy that moved in // With green lively eyes, that represented him // A lot of statements popped into my mind as such, // Maybe he can help me touch