Guys BIG Bite

First Fieri

Today is the day, the day Guy Fieri visits the diner I work at, The Wonder Weenie. I have been obsessing over him ever since I watched my first episode of Diners, Drive in's and Dives. I just wanted to rip that flame shirt off his smoking ham body and rub my fingers through his bleached dry sexy hair.

Then I hear him outside of the kitchen door. "Hey guys I'm here at The Wonder Weenie to try their smoking triple smoked hot weenie wrapped in bacon deep fried in bacon flavoured bacon" he said in his husky high pitched voice. I could almost smell him from the kitchen, it's just how I dreamed it would be, grease and disappointment. Delicious. I'm so turned on.

I was so distracted thinking about what Guy's wonder weenie tasted like I forgot to prep the food. Before I know it, the cameras enter and there is perfection standing in front of me, Guy. I feel a Fieri in my heart and start to panic.

'... I... I'm not.. I'm not ready' I managed to say before turning back to continue frying the bacon. Next thing, I feel a small, stubby and sticky hand on top of mine. I turn around and look up, Guy fieri has his hands on mine and he is helping me cook. I can almost see his pickle green eyes through his sunglasses. My whole body is quivering.

"It's ok my little pork pie, I can help you"

My eyes widened, I turned around and looked at him dead in the kiddie sunglasses and said 'how did you know my name is Pork Pie?'

'Oh it is? Man I just love pork pie.... Pork Pie' Guy exclaimed as his meaty breath creeped its way into my nostrils. Sexy.

"I like a GUY that can handle his meat" I say biting my lip and the camera man coughs to remind us of his presence. Guy and I are just inches apart, he's so precious I just want to lick him. We were lost in each other's eyes but the show must go on.

The cameraman signals that we are recording, Guy turns to me and says 'This is Pork Pie, she's the head chef here at The Wonder Weenie, Porkie, please tell us what you're doing?'

'Hopefully you later' I say to myself

Recording the show with Guy felt amazing, he was so nice, kind and sensitive. I thought he was sexy before but seeing him in his natural state made him even more sexy.

I was cleaning up after Guy left and I saw a piece of paper with a note on it beside my work station. I picked it up, it had Dorito prints all over it, it must be from Guy.

Hey Porkie Workie, here's my number. Would love to meat you for a bite. It'll be dynamite. - Guy 002-2sexy4u ;)

Oh my lord.