Stories Of The Heart

And there was no end

She continued while scrolling, "And well, I used to love the rooftop. The tranquility and peace that it contained was enough to make me feel better. But now, every time I go up there, it's like an army of memories is waiting to invade my world. There I had my first kiss, there I had my first taste of love. I knew it there and then that my countdown had started, but I couldn't stop. I mean how can someone just stop themselves from falling so hard when they've already dived in way too deep?" She paused for a moment, her eyes fixated on the screen. Catching a glimpse of what she saw, I frowned.
"You still love him, don't you?" I asked in a soft tone, watching as her mouth slowly formed a smile of sorrow while looking at his picture.
"Yes," came her reply, barely above a whisper, "I never did stop caring, and I don't think I ever will."
She bit her lip, trying to fight back the tears flooding in her eyes and threatening to cascade down her cheeks. It pained me to see her like that, so vulnerable and broken when she used to be such a cheery, strong woman.
"I've tried, I've tried to let go so many times but I just can't. I can't accept that it was so easy for him to forget everything, lose every emotion he had for me. I saw the look in his eyes - he did care, he genuinely cared for me. I felt it when he held me in a warm embrace, when he caressed my cheeks, when he held me and caressed my hair while I cried. He was the only person I could have opened up to, the first person to hear me cry after midnight, the only person I felt comfortable about confiding in. Now I can't even talk to anyone about anything happening in my life, because the only person whom I could have talked to about it all has left me. He left me broken, confused and alone - more than I've ever been. And I can't even hate him. I just keep on crying over and over because I fucking miss him. Every guy I see, every guy I talk to, nobody can make me feel the same. I've tried over and over to let go, to forget and move on - BUT I CAN'T!!" She finally hit the ground and was full on bawling, her voice broken and her eyes bloodshot. The tears kept on increasing, making my heart clench with sorrow. Tears welled up in my own eyes as she started gasping for air.
"Hey, hey, it's ok---"
"NO IT'S NOT! IT'S NOT OKAY! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER TWO YEARS SLOWLY DYING INSIDE BECAUSE OF A GUY WHO FUCKING TORE ME TO SHREDS AND DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HIS CRIME! I'LL KEEP ON SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE HIS PLACE BECAUSE THE HOLE IN MY CHEST IS TOO FUCKING BIG FOR ME TO BREATHE PEACEFULLY! But you know what suck? I'll. Never. Find. A. Replacement. No guy - heck no friend of mine ever loved or cared this much or made me feel this special. He's the first one outside my family who heard me bawl after ages, he's the first guy I ever talked to on the phone, he's the first guy I ever hung out with, my first kiss, my first touch, probably the first person I've loved so deeply. I didn't care for him as a lover in the beginning, I cared as a friend, as a person. Maybe that's why it hurts more than it should. We had a bond, a sacred friendship before we dived into a sinful state. I miss that more than anything. I can't get it back now. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to keep contact with him, he doesn't want me anymore."
She went silent for a while, frozen on the ground. Not knowing what to do, I sat down beside her and was about to embrace her when she let out a broken, pitiful laugh.
"I'm so pathetic right? I mean who even cares so much?" But even with those words, a sad smile adorned her face.
"And there was no end to the pain when we first met, and there would be no end to this pain - because I didn't just lose someone I loved deeply. I lost a brother, a friend - a beautiful and cherished existence.

"And I'll forever carry the scar in my mind and the pain in my heart."